I do not enjoy nagging. Really I don’t.
Yet if you asked any one member of my family, I am pretty sure that they would put nagging at the top of their lists of things that I do; one child in particular who shall remain nameless, even thinks that nagging is one of my hobbies.
But I have to nag because there are certain ways of doing things. Tried and tested methods developed through years of family life. I don’t like to use the word ‘rules’ as that hints at something very rigid and inflexible, but actually yes; I will use the word rules. There are certain rules that need to be followed in order for normal family life to continue and for me not to end up screaming like some sort of manic banshee.
These ‘rules’ are important, not only for my sanity but usually for very practical reasons of health, hygiene and general well-being too and they apply to us all. No-one is exempt. Not even the husband. Yet he is the biggest rule breaker of them all.
So here are
my our house rules;
- Hand washing is a very useful and good habit to get into. It does not take long and should not be accompanied by a whining noise. It does however involve actual soap and putting your hands in running water for a short amount of time. Simply wiping your hands on the towel or your trousers will not do.
- Whilst we are on the subject of bathroom issues, let’s familiarise ourselves with the toilet. It is quite large and easy to use and is not something to be used as target practise. Anything that should be in the toilet, needs to go in the toilet and not on the floor or your pants. That is non-negotiable.
- There are five towels in the bathroom for a reason. We each have our own towel. So husband of mine, please use YOUR towel when you get out of the shower. If you put your towel in the wash, get another one out for next time. DO NOT think that my pink towel looks appealing as it is out of bounds. I do not want to dry my delicate face with something that you have been drying your bottom with.
- The same rule applies to toothbrushes. I buy pink toothbrushes so that no-one else will use my brush. I am quite particular about sharing saliva and I may be married to you and I will share most things with you, but not toothbrushes. Mine is a pink toothbrush and yours is a blue one. Like the song. Simple.
- And for the children of the house, not dissimilar to the hand washing scenario, putting tooth paste on your brush and waving it in your mouth does not constitute brushing your teeth. The tooth brush actually has to meet the teeth and for longer that thirty seconds. Yes, whilst I agree that people only see your front teeth, you will look and feel very silly if all of the other teeth fall out from general neglect. Let’s try brushing them all, there’s a novel idea.
- Still in the bathroom, towels are a wonderful thing. We all have lovely fluffy towels (OF OUR OWN!) so let’s use them. Let’s try stopping the shower, getting the towel and actually drying ourselves in the shower. This draping a towel and drip drying nonsense is really starting to wind me up. I have to paddle into the bathroom in the morning after you lot have been in and it is not pleasant; especially when I have socks on. Also those soggy towels do not make a good addition to our poor over-used sofa and sadly, they will not walk themselves back to the bathroom.
- Moving on from the bathroom let’s talk about toe nails. Toe nails are not to be shared. They do not make pleasant decorations nor do they live well in the carpet. I do not want to step on them, sit on them, find myself wearing them or find them lurking behind the sofa. Under NO circumstances should they be eaten. If you are hungry have a biscuit.
- Let me introduce you all to the washing basket. It has a pretty thankless task of holding our dirty washing which I know from personal experience, is not always pleasant. It has lived on a corner of the stairs for many years now and you walk past it several times a day. Yet most of you seem to think that it is a figment of my imagination and when I ask you to put your dirty washing in it, you all look at me with a vacant look as though this is an alien concept and THEN you ask me where it is. It is THERE, where it has always been. Please use it. The living room floor is not and never will be the washing basket.
- The hallway is a well-used room in the house that pretty much connects the front door to everywhere else. We all walk through it every day, several times a day. Filling it with scooters, footballs, bags and shoes is not a good idea. Someone (ME) will break their necks one of these days. We have places for these things and always have had. I agree that there really are too many shoes in the house and that storage is a problem, however, kicking them off as soon as you get through the door does not help.
- We have lived in this house for nearly twelve years and in those twelve years, pretty much everything in the kitchen has remained in the same place. So why do I find random things in the wrong cupboards? Everything has its place and whilst I am eternally grateful that my husband does empty the dishwasher, whenever he tells me that he has with much self-congratulation, I know that I will find things in the wrong places. If he is doing this on purpose in the hope that I will tell him not to do it (like I had to do with doing the washing), this is not going to happen. I will just nag more.
- I have mentioned more than once the large number of balls in this house. Too many. Everywhere. I am always tripping up on the damn things but I know that the males members of the house are all sport mad and so I tolerate them. I will not however tolerate the constant breakages that come from over-zealous football kicking inside. Hard balls are now banished to the garden and the only balls allowed in the house are really soft ones. These can still break photo frames it would seem if kicked with enough force, but it is an improvement.
So those are a few of my house rules. I am posting this with the hope that some of the members of this house will read it and change their ways but I would be interested to know what your house rules are or would be and to know that I am not alone in my quest for an easier life around the house.