I’m sure that this question is up there with one of the more interesting moments of parenting. My eight year old dropped it into the conversation on Friday night as I was driving him to his swimming lesson. I totally wasn’t expecting it and I nearly crashed the car.
He was chatting to me about a friend in his class and how he likes two girls and then he kept making up silly songs about it and then he asked me what rhymed with sex.
OK, I was quite surprised by that and said that maybe he should choose a more appropriate word. Fatal. “What is sex then, mummy?”
I told him that he was a bit young really to be having this conversation but that just made him even more curious. He was looking at me intently. So I asked him where he had got the word from. School. Damn, that didn’t help or stop him looking at me, waiting expectantly.
OK, try and turn it back on him. “What do you think it means, then?” I asked. Yes I know, really rubbish. His response? “I think it when a boy and a girl kiss each other, no snog each other all day and all night.”
I wasn’t expecting that. So I asked him:”What’s the difference between snogging and kissing then?”
“Oh mummy, you know. Kissing is kissing and snogging is a bit longer and dribblier!”
Not a bad observation really for someone so young. I took a deep breath and told him that he was a bit young for me to explain sex to him but that it was what mummies and daddies did to make babies.
He went quiet for a couple of minutes and I started to worry, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have said that. “So mummy, that means that you and daddy have had sex twice then while I’ve been asleep!” He chirped with a big grin on his face.
I didn’t reply although I was thinking to myself that he probably wasn’t that far from the truth! Did I handle the question well? I’m not really sure. I am quite open with my children as I feel that if you talk about things and explain things to children, you don’t create tabooed subjects or confusion. I appreciate that there are certain things that might not be appropriate for younger ears and minds, but children seem to know so much more at an early age these days.
I was thinking about what I had told my oldest son who is now sixteen and probably knows more than me on the subject. He loved the television program ‘Friends’ and started watching it when he was about eight. I never had a problem with him watching it, but it did throw up some unusual questions along the way. I ended up explaining some things to him that he was maybe a bit too young to understand, but the open discussions that we had didn’t do him any harm.
Understanding is the key to this situation I think. You have to judge the answers to these ‘delicate’ questions on the age, maturity and understanding of each individual child. R is mature and seemed quite happy with the answer I gave him. I didn’t feel the need to draw him a diagram and going into too much detail isn’t appropriate at his age. In just over two years, when he goes to middle school, he will start learning about sex and reproduction at school and I have no doubt that the conversation will come up again in the meantime. I’ll go and sharpen my pencil…
My oldest who is nearly 6 has been asking how a baby is made lately. I’ve told him the basics but it is hard to know how much to tell them at that age. I’m not going to lie to him, but he doesn’t need to know the full details 😉
When I was pregnant with my youngest, my oldest asked if the baby was going to come out of my mouth. I love the way their little minds work 🙂
Great post. When you’ve drawn your diagrams, send them my way!
Out of your mouth wow that’s an interesting one! It is obviously normal for them to start asking these sorts of questions at an early age then! And yes happy to share my diagrams, could be interesting!
Sounds like you handled it all just fine. Love the friends approach with your eldest too. I am very open with mine and answer any questions factually and in content, I don’t want it to be a taboo subject that they just ask their friends at school! They learn all the basics very young at school too. My youngest are almost 8 and have had 1st stage sex ed. Eldest asked me loads but the younger ones less, I think they find out from the older ones! Like you I think my eldest probably knows at least as much as me and rarely asks me anything these days.
Wow I didn’t realise they started sex ed so young? I suppose with kids becoming increasingly aware at a younger age, it is necessary as by the time they are in their teens it’s too late for some!
Wow that is a great question from a five year old!! I think that once they are at school, they hear so much that you will always get these sort of questions. I definitely agree that there is no use hiding in the corner!
Ha ha yea I would love to be a fly on the wall when you have that conversation! Good luck with it!
I am definitely with you on not giving them too many details but not lying to them either. Once my eldest asked how she and her sister came out of my tummy, so I explained both the methods I had used to that date. She went a bit pale and that put the stop to any more questions for a bit. I’m not envying the next onslaught, but I’ll have to get used to it as I really don’t want to lie about it. Great post which made me laugh.
Glad it made you smile! Yes I must admit I’m not looking forward to the next instalment either, but you’re right simple and honest is the best way!
Like Trouble Doubled, after her little sister was born my older child (then 4) was curious to know how she had come out of my tummy. I explained. She looked incredulous, and said, “No! That hole’s not big enough!” I thought, you’re telling me, kid.
Was a little taken aback when my 6 year old asked what ‘sex’ was on the school run this morning. Was relieved when I realised he was responding to me saying we’d be at school in a few ‘secs’. Phew!
(Sorry this is a bit after the fact but just came across your post and I had to send you this. I posted the above on my site recently – Very pleased mine was a false alarm)
Ha ha that made me laugh! That often happens to me, I completely mishear something and then heave a sigh of relief that I had actually misheard.