Other People’s Children

The good old British summer time is finally here and we are all out in the garden making the most of the brief spell of good weather, but with the sunshine can sometimes come a dilemma; other people’s children.

Don’t get me wrong, I love children; I love my children and I am really fond of some of their school friends but sometimes every now and then, you pick up a ‘stalker’. That may seem harsh, but it can feel like that. A stalker is the child who lives in your house more that their own, so much so they never want to leave it. Whenever you are there, they are there in spirit; whether they are banging on the door, hanging over the fence, shouting out of the window. It starts to feel oppressive. You say things like; ‘ we are going to have tea now’, hoping that they might disappear, but instead, they sit there salivating and making you feel uncomfortable.

Am I being mean? Maybe, but if you have experienced this, you will understand how I feel.

I’m not alone in this though and it seems to me that it is a common problem. One mum was telling me how her house and garden has become a congregation point for some of the local children. She told me how she ends up feeding some of them as she makes tea and they hover around saying how hungry they are and she feels guilty shooing them away all of the time, but she feels frustrated that her boys never get invited anywhere else and the parents don’t seem to feel the need to stop their children constantly going round.

Chatting to a friend at the weekend, she has two boys who are similar ages to mine and she came back from town to find an older girl in the garden with the boys. She had seen the girl around but wasn’t sure who she was or where she lived. Within half an hour, the girl was making herself at home and asking if she could stay the night. My friend was a little gobsmacked and said to the girl that her mum probably wouldn’t want her too. The girl then proceeds to grab my friends mobile phone, ring her mum and pass her on to my friend. Both my friend and the girl’s mum had a bewildered chat and agreed that it wasn’t really appropriate. The following week, my friend has spent a lot of time with the curtains shut as this girl has been constantly at the door asking to come around and my friend is at her wits end already.

So how do you deal with a problem like this and there is no doubt that this can be a problem? I am quite hard-nosed and when I was having the problem, I did say ‘no’ a lot. If children come round to play, it has to be on my terms and it has to be convenient. Does that make me unreasonable? It is such an important part of children’s development to be able to play with different children, but we shouldn’t be forced into lock down because we have children constantly ringing the doorbell, nor should we feel compelled to feed and care for other people’s children.

Where are these children’s parents? The ones who roam and wander into other people’s houses at all hours of the day and night? I understand that as your children grow up, it is harder to keep tabs on them, but I would be horrified if I thought that my children were out staying their welcome anywhere and I would also want to know where they were if they were at someone else’s house.

As for us, some nice children moved in recently near to us R and L have befriended them already and they are all playing nicely together. They come round, they play, they go home and it is all very civilised and to be honest, that is exactly how I like it and I haven’t had to keep the curtains closed or dismantle the doorbell yet.