When children are ill

Over the last few weeks, I have had the dilemma that I had been dreading. I returned to work in January as a teacher and hubby is also a teacher, so what do we do if one of the children is ill? Things were going well and I may have even said (rather foolishly) that we had made it to half term without any of us being ill. I spoke to soon. The week before half term on the Tuesday morning, R woke up feeling rubbish with a temperature. Luckily I wasn’t in work and although he wasn’t awful, in the back of my mind I was thinking that maybe if I kept him at home for the day, he would be OK for the following day when I was in work.

He drove me crazy most of the day as he actually wasn’t that poorly and wanted to spend the day on computer games ( I am very mean and don’t allow computer games if they are off school ill). Wednesday morning, he wasn’t great but I sent him in thinking that if I could at least get through the morning, that would be better than nothing.

However, I felt awful. All day I kept guiltily thinking about him and how he was doing. Luckily R is a tenacious little chap and he made it through most of the day and only started to go downhill towards the end of the day. But I still felt awful.

In the end I did have take Friday off work as he woke up with a raging temperature and could barely stand but then I felt guilty about letting work down.

He recovered over half term and them lo and behold A starts to go downhill. All the signs were that it was the same virus as R had had. She was really poorly all week, so we had a quiet half term but at least it meant that if she was poorly during half term, all would be well the following week.

Except, she was still really under the weather and wasn’t great on the Monday morning. Off we went back to school and playgroup, but all day I was expecting a phone call. I was also keeping a close eye on L as these things often go around everyone.

Then I woke up feeling absolutely dreadful. Sore throat, swollen glands and a horrific cold. I struggled through but it was a tough week.

A and I finally recovered and then L came home from school on the Friday with a temperature and was very listless. Her we go again I thought, later than expected but I knew he would probably go down eventually. Except no, Saturday he started coming out in spots. Hundreds of them. Chicken pox!!! Where they came from I have no idea.

Bless him, he was so poorly and the really sad thing was that I was more stressed about how we would manage with him having a week off school. That stressed me out even more as I felt awful for feeling like that.

It is a real dilemma though isn’t it? If you are a teacher, it is great that you have the school holidays, but term time it is very inflexible. You can’t just take a days holiday at random. If you do have to take a day off, you feel incredibly guilty that you are letting everyone down and someone else is having to teach your lessons. It really is a no win situation.

Non-teaching friends have informed me that it is not easy either. Yes of course, you can take a days leave if you have a poorly child, but when you only have twenty or so days holiday a year, that can seriously eat into your proper holiday time which as a parent is needed for the never-ending school holidays. Changes to the allocation of sick pay means that a lot of companies don’t pay for the first three days of sick leave or only pay alternative days which at least allows for two parent families to manage the childcare between them.

I asked a few people on Twitter about how it worked for non teachers and the overwhelming response was that most companies don’t pay for ‘dependant leave’.

Some companies offer a small number of days leave each year for family matters which I thought was a really great idea. For others and they are in the minority, they do get paid although it is often down to individual companies discretion.

It is a minefield though. Of course, I can see from an employers perspective, it can be a costly business paying employees who are not there whatever the reason and rules can’t be changes just because you are a parent. But for me, my job as a parent is ultimately the most important job in my life.  Going back to work has just made that all the more apparent as I am guiltily trying to juggle everything.

Fortunately, as I type, the children are tired but all seem well enough to go to school or playgroup.  My husband has the bug now and is complaining about feeling ill.  Sadly I am all out of sympathy and so he and his man flu will have to look after themselves.