Life is never dull when you are a parent that is for sure. Here are just a few of the strange questions that I have been asked over the last few weeks.
“Mummy, you know the dead birds? Why would the mating season make them doolally?”
This was due to a recent conversation about the increased number of dead birds near their schools and someone helpfully explained that it was the mating season and it made the birds a little bit crazy. This of course opened up a whole new can of ‘interesting’ questions.
“Mum, does mating mean sex?”
I tried to wax lyrical about the art of courtship but in the end I had to agree that yes is was indeed sex.
“Why does is make them crazy though?”
A fair question. I tried to explain that the mating season would make them focus on the job at hand and that they only probably had a short mating season and the future of their species depended on it. (That really did sound too dramatic, I know). I should have known what was coming next.
“Do people have mating seasons then?”
This was simple to answer I suppose, I said that the answer was no and tried my hardest to change the subject. But oh, no, the boys were on a roll.
“Do birds have willies?”
“Do birds kiss?”
The kissing question caused them to dissolve into fits of giggles as the image of birds kissing amused the pair of them. R is at secondary school now and not only is he listening to other kids talk about sex, he is having sex education, so he always has to take his questions to a whole new level.
“So do they have to think sexy thoughts to make their willies go hard?”
This question I ignored and told him that that was inappropriate and I didn’t want to talk about it any further.
“Can birds be gay?”
Where is Google when you need it? I tried to avoid that question as best I could.
“What happens if a man weeks when he is inside a woman? Does it kill her or make her poorly?”
That question completely floored me. What is he learning in school? I said that it wouldn’t but that it would be really disgusting.
“So, would it come out of her bum then?”
At that point, I decided enough was enough. I know that children are curious about things but this conversation was going in a rather uncomfortable direction. I always try to answer their questions as honesty as I can and in an age appropriate way, but there are limits.
The following morning, I woke up early with A, who was luckily in bed when the previous night’s conversation had taken place and she asked me; “mummy, why do we have bum cheeks in our mouths?”
Honestly or otherwise, I couldn’t really answer that one.
Oh my goodness! I would have been cringing! Sexy thoughts, hard willies and gay birds? I wouldn’t have known where to start. We still haven’t addressed the issue of how the seed from the Daddy gets in the Mummy’s tummy with my daughter, who is now 9. I’m so rubbish at these conversations!
Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…The England game
You are lucky that you haven’t had to. I think it has mainly come from the 11 year old moving to secondary and he doesn’t think about the fact that I might not want to have these conversations in front of the other children. They certainly learn a lot more in school than I did at that age.
hahaha….That made me laugh out loud….Where do they get there ideas from or questions like that. I think you handled it well x
Kim Carberry recently posted…Newcastle Film and Comic Con….
Oh I wish I knew where they got their questions from. They always ask funny things, but these were some of the worst for a while.
Hilarious! X
Anya from Older Single Mum and The Healer recently posted…Never the Twain Shall Meet.
Good grief! I thought we had challenging enough questions, but at least we haven’t really had to deal with the sex side of things.
Erica Price recently posted…Week 14 of 2015
Hahahahaha oohhhh this made me chuckle, I am imagining you starting off “Mating is like a smile on a summers day…” or something very abstract like that but oh wow I ‘d love to be there as a fly on the wall. I would probably giggle my head off with them 😀