Growing older gracefully and gratefully

So this year sees the big 50 lurking in my not so dim and distant future. Age is just a number right? But the turning of a decade does make me reflect on the ten years that have passed and when I think back to the 39 year old me, it makes me smile.  I have come a long way in those ten years.

As soon as I turned 39, I was neurotic about turning 40.  40 seemed old, significantly old.  I didn’t want to be 40.  I told my children, then 14, 6, 4 and six months old, that I would be going backwards in numbers from this year. I hated anyone mentioning it.  I wouldn’t talk about it or make plans.  I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and stay 39 forever.

The significant birthday came and went.  Nothing changed.  I was still me.  A 40 something me, but still the same me. After that, I stopped worrying.  I didn’t have time to worry. Life moves on and you have to roll with it.  Since then, age really has just been a number and I may ache a bit more now and I certainly have a lot more grey hairs but I am probably happier with myself than I have ever been.

So what have I achieved in the last ten years? My children are all now in double figures, one has made it to actual adulthood successfully and they are all doing so well.  I am still happily married. I have a job that I love. I have a dog! It does seem that in spite of the ups and downs, looking back there are a lot more ups and I am truly grateful for the life I have.

I started blogging nine years ago and that is something that has been a constant in the last ten years of my life and I will always look back at this little blog of mine with pride at what I have achieved in this small corner of the internet.

Healthwise, I am feeling better than I have done for a really long time.  Lockdown and the summer holidays reintroduced me back the world of exercise and I haven’t looked back.  I don’t find the time as often as I would like now I am back at work but it is really important to me to try and stay in some sort of shape. Of course, being of a ‘certain age’ the jolly old menopause is starting to rear its ugly head.  Honestly, this is something I am dreading as the perimenopause is challenging enough. I am bracing myself.

I still have worries.  That is natural isn’t it. I worry about my kids all the time.  They are all entering different phases of their lives and we seem to be forever hurtling from one thing to another, whether it be exams, learning to drive, parties, new schools.  It is never-ending and as always we try and do our best, but as a parent I don’t think the worrying ever stops.

I still have things I want to achieve. That book is still waiting to be written.  One day it will happen. I have places I would love to visit.  Maybe I was destined to do these things in my fifties, who knows? The nice thing is that I am not feeling unfulfilled, I am contented, happy with my lot.

Maybe, that is why as I approach 50, I am really chilled out about it. It is another year, another birthday and I want to mark the occasion with my friends and family, but I am not at all worried or neurotic as I was this time 10 years ago. Maybe it is a sign that I am happier with my life, happier with myself. As I said in the title of this post; growing older gracefully and gratefully.