I am a big believer in letting children be children. That might sound like a funny thing to say, but I see more and more examples of parents who allow their children to grow up too quickly.
That doesn’t mean that I will treat my own children like babies until they turn eighteen, nor do I wrap them up in cotton wool, but I want them to enjoy their childhoods and not have to worry about things.
Am I overprotective? Should I be exposing them to things in readiness for life in the adult world? It is a difficult enough balancing act being a parent and although I think I am doing a reasonable job with my children, every now something will happen that makes me question my decisions.
One such thing happened last week. I have strict rules about age restrictions on films and video games. I believe that those recommended ages are there for a reason and whilst every child is unique, I don’t think a child of nine should be playing on a game made for a fifteen year old. R would bitterly disagree and this is a conversation that we have all too regularly. He has a number of friends with older siblings whose parents apparently let them play video games and watch films that are for fifteen plus and of course I am the meanest mum in the world as I refuse to let him.
I don’t think I’m mean. If I was mean I wouldn’t allow the TV or video games in the house. What I am trying to do and I explain this to him, is to protect him from language, scenes and stories that are not suitable. When he is eighteen, he can do what he wants.
I do allow him to watch films that have a 12a rating as long as I think they are suitable and as L is now 8, he went to see his first 12a film at the cinema a couple of weeks ago. There is a certain amount of violence in these films and as typical boys, they seem to like that and some cartoons and programs that they watch on children’s television are violent, so there doesn’t seem any way of avoiding this. But we avoid gruesome, scary and anything with what I would call ‘adult content’, that is the rule for now at least.
The offset of this rule is that both boys are quite naive. Is that a bad thing aged 8 and 9? We live in a fairly rural area and in my opinion they don’t need to be particularly ‘street wise’ yet.
Last week in school, the boys were shown a video to spring board some creative ideas on the topic of mystery and adventure. It was a short educational film that essentially showed a photograph and as the camera zoomed in and out of different parts of the photo, elements changed. The photo was very creepy and with a backdrop of eerie music it really freaked the boys out; especially L who didn’t sleep well for three nights after watching it.
It is very rare that I go into school, but I felt that I needed to point out how scared L had been by the film and whilst the teachers were apologetic, I found myself apologizing for the fact that L is so naive.
When I got home I was really cross with myself. Why was I apologizing for L being naive when he is only eight? If he was 18 fair enough, but there seems to be this expectation that by the time children are ten, they have seen it all.
I have had similar conversations with friends and family where the boys have been allowed to watch or play on games that I deem unsuitable for them. They are honest boys and will often point out to the adults in charge that they aren’t allowed to play those sort of games at home and then there will be that slightly awkward conversation when I pick them up about whatever game or film has been on and I always end up apologizing.
Well do you know what this week I have reached a decision that I won’t apologize for wanting to keep my children as children anymore. In the grand scheme of things, they aren’t children for long anyway and they can do what they want (well within reason) when they are adults. I accept that there will be times when they will see things that I would prefer them not to as realistically I can’t protect them from everything. But for the meantime, I will continue to treat them as children and encourage them to enjoy being children as I know that it won’t be too long before the teenage hormones kick in and they will really start to grow up.
Good for you! Children are children and they grow up too fast anyway. Age ratings are there for a reason – to not corrupt young minds, but also not to scare them and force them to think about things they don’t understand. I’m lucky that my kids never age ask to play games for older kids. The issue of 15 DVDs sometimes arises with my eldest, but we just say no and leave it at that. I don’t agree that parents should let kids of 8 or 9 watch and play things with a 15 or 18 certificate. They might be fine with it, but who knows what effect it might have on these kids in the long-term?
I’ve had the same issues with my son, aged 10. All his friends play 18 games. I’m a strictly NO WAY to that. He went to sleepover, got exposed to it, had nightmares/felt low then thanked me for caring enough to protect him from such things. Just because other parents are lazy/irresponsible you shouldn’t follow. Age restrictions are there for a purpose. Hard to get that information out once it’s put in their heads.
I totally agree. I am a slack mum by anyone’s measures, but I am 100% on board with letting children be children and preserving their innocence for as long as possible. Age restrictions should be taken notice of – they’re there for a reason.
Lisa @ http://www.howtobeadomesticdisgrace.blogspot.com
No I agree you shouldn’t apologise. We haven’t really got into all of this really, but already H is scared (compared to friends) of certain films. I can’t believe how many parents will let their kids play older games and watch older films. A friend’s 9 year old had another friend round (also 9) who brought an 18 certificate game to play. Couldn’t believe that his parents had left it where he could get his hands on it. I can see that sometimes you might blur the boundaries for say a 16 or 17 year old, but there have to be limits.