No more babies!

I have four beautiful children.  I am very lucky and my life is certainly full enough as a result of having them.

After A and a fourth Caesarean section, we were told in no uncertain terms that there were to be no more additions to our little family.  We talked about it.  I was shattered and was adamant that there would be no more.

Eighteen months later, I had a twitch, an urge.  Maybe there was a way round it, I knew that medically it was a risk, but maybe it would be worth it.  Like most ideas though, when I thought about it in the cold light of day, I knew that it would never happen and financially it would be a disaster too.

So I put that idea in the ‘no way’ box and buried it away.

That’s where it has stayed until now.

One of the mums at school has just had a baby.  A beautiful baby boy.  I have seen them a couple of times a and then in family assembly on Friday, that urge came back.  Swiftly followed by the reminder that it was a ‘no way’. I felt quite overwhelmed.  Even more ridiculously, I had tears in my eyes.  Actual real tears.  What was the matter with me?

As I drove home, watching A in the rear view mirror, I felt quite sad and spent a lot of the day thinking about babies and whether there was room for one more little person in our family.    Of course there would be, however crowded it would be, however tight things would be financially, we would manage.  Then the thoughts of the sleepless nights, the nappies, the teething, the pregnancy all came back with the stern words from the consultant that I was not to risk having any more babies just after I had A rang in my ears.  Car seats, pushchairs, changing bags, high chairs.  Life is so much simpler now that they are all a bit older.

I have no doubt that looking at how grown up A is now and the prospect of her starting school this year fueled my sudden urge to have another one, but I also have to be realistic. So once again I put the idea of having another baby away.

I do love babies and as my husband so lovingly pointed out to me later on when I was telling him about my hours of broody madness, now that O is rapidly heading into adulthood, I might be a grandmother soon. Indeed and thank you for that heart-warming thought.

So no more babies in this house, but I still have four ‘babies’ to keep me busy and at least I know that I can always have a quick cuddle fix with the baby at school if need be, knowing that I can hand him back and go home and have a good night’s sleep.  Well for most of the night at least anyway.

One of my ‘babies’ but can you guess which one?