Starting School – A Parent’s Guide

So you only have a few weeks left before your little one steps out into the world of ‘big school’ and this can be a daunting time for parents, whether it is your first time or last.  My youngest daughter starts school in September and she is the last of four children, so I am trying to be organised this year and learn from past experience to prepare her and myself for the year ahead.  The most important thing is that you all settle into the new routine as quickly and as easily as possible; especially your children, so here are my top tips for surviving the first few months in school.

Getting used to a new environment

Getting used to the new environment is one of the most important things.  If there are opportunities to go in for taster sessions or visits and you can physically get them there, it is so worth it.  They get to meet the teachers, the other children and some of the older children and it gives them a chance to locate the important places too such as the toilets, where they have lunch and the playground.  I am lucky that my daughter has been going to her new school every day at least twice a day since she was born as she has older brothers at the school but if this isn’t the case, it is worth visiting, practising the walk to school and talking about it as much as possible to make it a familiar environment to them as quickly as possible.  Most schools also have websites which have photos of the children and some of the activities they do; maybe it is worth taking a look with your child to show them some of the amazing things that they will get to do. Also take time to look at the school prospectus if there is one; my daughter has been given a special little booklet especially for her with photos of the staff and lots of photos of the children doing different activities to give her an idea of what to expect.

Dealing with clothes and shoes

My youngest son was born at the end of August and one of the biggest struggles we had with him in the first year was his inability to get dressed and undressed by himself, including coats and shoes.  I always knew instantly when he had done forest school or PE as he would come out of school looking like he had dressed in the dark; buttons undone, shoes on the wrong feet and everything generally looking askew. When they are little, this can be one of the hardest things and of course the staff in school will help, but it makes a huge difference both to your child and the staff, if they can manage this themselves. Even though it might sometimes seem easier (and quicker) to get them dressed yourself, try and encourage them to start doing it themselves, give them a reward chart maybe. Make sure that when you choose their uniform, it is easy to put on and doesn’t have too many tricky fastenings.  Search online for tips and tricks to help; I recently saw a tip about cutting a sticker in half and placing each half in a child’s shoes as an easy way to recognise which shoe goes on each foot.  This is a genius idea that I wish I had found earlier but there are so many parents out there, there are bound to be loads of ideas like this to help.

Going to the toilet

Going to the toilet is a big deal when you first start school.  It means leaving the safety of the classroom and venturing off on your own to a place where the big children might be.  Talk to your children about the importance of going as soon as they feel the need to go.  Explain to them that they have to tell a teacher or teaching assistant that they need to go, much in the same way as they would ask you at home and gently remind them not to hold on too long.  It is quite natural for accidents to happen in those early weeks when things are new and as frustrating and worrying as that can be, it is best not to make a big deal about it and chat to them later about how things are going and broach the subject then.  My son made regular appearances in his PE shorts in the first few months and I discovered that whilst chatting about school later in the evening, he would usually admit that he was doing something exciting and interesting and hadn’t wanted to stop and go to the toilet.  After a few months, it stopped.

Don’t forget to wash your hands

Personal hygiene is a difficult thing to explain to a four year old but it is so important to maintain in an environment where germs thrive.  Most parents I am sure teach their children to wash their hands each time they go to the toilet but it is worth reminding them and getting them into good habits in the run up to going to school.  You won’t be there to remind them each time of course but hopefully it will become one of those things that they will do automatically.  I don’t really want to go into any great detail about what happens if children don’t wipe their bottoms properly as I have no doubt that you can imagine.  This is one that we are working hard on at the moment as my daughter quite likes me to do it for her.  I have shown her several times how to do it properly and I now gently remind her that she must learn to do it herself and we are starting to make progress.

Eating and drinking

You need to think about eating and drinking too.  Most schools have a healthy eating policy and encourage children to drink water during the day.  This is great if your child likes water but can be a problem if they don’t as staying hydrated through the day is essential.  My youngest son hated water and we had a real battle with him to drink it.  Over time though we watered down everything else bit by bit until he was virtually drinking water all the time anyway and now he drinks water most of the time and drinks lots in school.  An extra thing to add on this subject is to teach them how to close their water bottles properly too as I have lost count of  the number of times mine have come home with soaking wet bags.  When it comes to lunches, if you are lucky enough to have a school that provides hot lunches, it is worth spending some time practising using a knife and fork.  One technique that I am definitely going to use is this one with my daughter from the brilliant Here Come the Girls blog, where she had the genius idea of using play dough to teach children to use a knife and fork. If your child will be eating a packed lunch, maybe practise over the summer with their lunch box and drink, take them on picnics and encourage them to open their own food and drinks.

Don’t worry about the big kids

When you are four, children aged six and above can seem very big and a little bit scary.  If your child doesn’t have older brothers or sisters, being in a place with bigger children can be really overwhelming.  My ten year old son struggled with this in his first year and we spent a lot of time with him talking about the older children and how he shouldn’t be scared.  There is no guarantee that all bigger children are lovely and friendly of course, but most are and can be very protective of the younger ones.  It is really important to keep communicating with your child and telling them stories about your experiences.  There are lots of books designed for children of this age about starting school and the school environment and television programs too, all of these things can help.  Find out if your child’s school has mentoring schemes or reading buddy schemes where older children are actively involved in activities with the younger ones as we have found that these really help with the transition.

What if my child can’t read or write?

Parents often worry about whether or not their children should be able to recognise letters, write their own name and count up to 20 before they start school and they really shouldn’t.  Starting school is all about learning new things and in every reception class there will be a mix of children who all have different skills and abilities. All of my children have been different. One could read some words and recognise most letters and numbers when he started, one could write a few things, one showed no signs of doing anything and my daughter can write her name and recognises some letters and numbers.  Like her brothers, I know that by the end of her first year at school, she will have learnt a huge amount, will be reading, writing and counting so I have no concerns that she is behind in any way at all. As her reception teacher said at a recent meeting; anything that they can do is a bonus but if they can’t do it, don’t worry.  The most important thing is that they go into school happily and settle in to the new routine; everything else will come later.

Get organised

Having a child starting school can be an overwhelming process.  Personally I am on a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment and it is a new routine for everyone, not  just the children.  One of the things that I have learnt from parenting school aged children is that you need to be organised.  Once they start school, there is a constant flow of letters, forms, and things to remember.  Most schools now operate a text system which means that they will text you constant reminders about things which is useful but it is well worth investing in a calendar, diary or noticeboard to keep track of the different things that happen each week.

When to buy school uniform?

It is also worth getting organised on the school uniform front too.  I am starting to pick up bits of uniform now and trying it on to make sure that there some growing room.  Some people think I am mad as children can grow quite a bit over the summer.  However, it is only eight weeks away and I am fairly sure that they won’t grow too much, so I buy as early as I can get away with so that I have more choice and it won’t be as busy.  I always leave shoes until at least the middle of August though and always arrive at the shoe shop when it opens to avoid endless queues with grumpy children.  If your child is particularly small, it is worth shopping early as I have a few friends with children who are small for their age and the sizes often sell out really quickly.

On the subject of uniform, it is worth buying in bulk.  Over the years, I have learnt that children will be children and uniform will get spilt upon, fallen upon and generally attract dirt and muck from all over the place. More often than not, that pristinely clean child that you sent in will not return.  My sons are physically incapable of  keeping a whole set of uniform clean for longer than one day.  So unless you want to spend the rest of your life washing and ironing to keep up with them, it is a really good idea to buy a few of each item.  You get to know early on which things get dirty and I tend to buy three or four pairs of trousers and the same with polo shirts.

Keep smiling

Try not to let your emotions get the better of you.  You are bound to feel emotional about your precious little one starting school.  I know I am with my daughter.  Those first few days are the key for settling in to this new routine for all of you and in order to help your child, you need to give them a quick hug and a kiss and send them into school with a big smile on your face.  If you are sobbing and clutching on to them, that might not help them.  It needs to be positive and happy so that they feel happy about leaving you and going into school. The lovely thing about primary school is that most schools actively encourage you to chat with them if you have any worries and you see the teachers and teaching assistants on a daily basis, so not only can you check in and chat about worries that you have, you will get constant reassurance that everything is going well.

What did you do at school today?

Don’t worry if your when you see your child at the end of the day and ask them what they did today and they say ‘nothing’.  That is absolutely normal.  They didn’t do nothing.  They will have done lots and lots of lovely things but there is something about coming out of school that makes children forget everything.  Over the years, I have found that later on when they are relaxed, they will suddenly talk about something that they did at school and we have a chat about it then.  It will come, but in their own time; over tea, in the bath at bedtime whenever they are ready.

Enjoy

My last piece of advice is to enjoy it.  From that first day until the last, it all goes by so quickly.  My eldest son has just finished school and I can remember his first day as if it were yesterday.  There is something so magical and special about the early years at school and they will do some wonderful things and have some amazing experiences.  Take a deep breath, give them lots of kisses and cuddles and enjoy it.

This post was written in association with ASDA.