Procrastinating Christmas

It’s November.  The shops are officially allowed to play Christmas music. A musical reminder that ’tis the time to spend lots of money.  I might do some Christmas shopping and avoid the usual last-minute rush, maybe not. *smug face* I have already bought some Christmas presents, I repeat, I have bought some Christmas presents.  I have no idea where they are but somewhat unusually for me, I have been picking up the odd bargain or three over the year and I have a small but very meaningful stash of presents.

What am I going to buy the children?  They don’t need anything.  The boys don’t seem to want anything.  A wants every single thing from every single advert she sees on television.  “You will add that to the list?” she asks me with an expectant smile.  “Of course I have.” I reply, secretly thinking that it is the list of things that will NEVER enter this house in a million years (unless the mother in law buys them)  I nod my head in firm agreement just to reassure her.

I try to start subtly asking the boys what sort of things they want for Christmas but don’t get a huge response.  Marvellous.  Christmas is ages away they tell me in disinterested voices.  Their current computer games are evidently more interesting than anything I might say, even if it is about Christmas.  Silently, I am screaming “if you don’t tell me what you want, you won’t get anything!”

I really should make a list.  Let’s find a notebook. I love notebooks, I should hint to my husband and remind him about my love of notebooks.  You can never have enough.

Did I ever write that list?  Where was it?  Right I will go onto the computer and type up a list.  Actually, I’ll just check Twitter, Facebook and emails first.    Where did the afternoon go, it’s time to go and pick the children up, I will definitely write the list tomorrow.

Teacher presents, I must remember to buy some teacher presents. I must try to be a bit more creative this year.  Maybe I will make something.

How is it nearly the end of November? I wanted to be organised by now and I’m still not.  Why did I not make a list?  Where are the presents that I have already bought?

Right I need to go shopping, I don’t have a list but that’s okay, I know what I need.

Everyone else is done.  The five year old has enough stuff to open her own toy shop in the new year.

Oh no, I have far more for my daughter than the boys.  Their presents are more expensive and way smaller but they are going to be upset.  I must go and pick up a few more things for them.

Argh!  I went shopping and managed to get even more stuff for her.  Why is there so much lovely stuff for girls? Teacher presents.  I forgot the teacher presents.

Right, I now have everything I need for everyone and their dog.  Yes I even have to buy something for my brother-in-law’s dog.  No more shopping.

Maybe one more shopping trip.  I could just get a few more things for the boys. TEACHER presents.  I have to face the fact that I’m not going to make something, I will have to get them the usual chocolates or a bottle of wine.

Oh no, I just found a huge box full of presents that I hid so well, I had forgotten about them.  I have seriously bought too many presents.

The children think I am the worst mother in the world as we don’t have any outdoor Christmas lights.  I think they are a waste of money.  I will get a few lights for the tree in the front garden.

Food, I need to organise the food.

Pigs in blankets, I have forgotten the pigs in blankets, I must go and get some.  I have booked an online shop to come just before Christmas but they might sell out.  We can’t have Christmas dinner without pigs in blankets.

No room in the freezer.  Right what am I going to do with the pigs in blankets, red cabbage, stuffing balls and parsnips.  I drove all the way to M&S and now there is no room to put them anywhere.

I feel sick.  I didn’t want to waste the litre of ice-cream that I had to take out of the freezer to make room for the M&S stuff.  Everything is now in.  The door of the freezer wouldn’t shut so I nearly broke my back leaning against it but it is shut.  If anyone wants anything out of there before the 24th, it is not happening.

Pudding, I haven’t got anything for pudding on Christmas day.  No room in the fridge or freezer, will have to go and battle with the crowds on Christmas Eve.

Biscuits!  I will buy lots of biscuits and then at least we can have biscuits for pudding.  Ooh biscuits for cheese, must get some of those too.

The kitchen looks more like the corner shop with festive fayre crammed in every corner.  I think I have everything.  I mustn’t forget the desserts.

The biscuit selections were on special offer so I stocked up.  I need to check that I have enough presents.  Oh my god, I have forgotten the teacher presents. Husband suggested that I give them some of my notebooks.  That is not happening.   They will have to have biscuits, everyone likes biscuits.

I will buy some more biscuits.

Do I need to buy any more presents for the children?

Sellotape, batteries.  Must make sure I don’t run out of wrapping paper like last year and the year before that.

I have run out of Christmas cards and the neighbours have just put a card through the door.  Can we make a card for the neighbours?

Enough.  You have enough presents.  More than enough.  Don’t buy any more bleeding biscuits, in fact don’t buy any more food.  Don’t buy any more anything.  You have spent enough.  There is no more room in the house.  Full Stop.

Oh my god, I haven’t bought a turkey.

Those are the things running around in my head over the last few weeks.  Sound familiar?

Merry Christmas x