Sometimes it really is not worth the constant battle.
Having three children, make that three head strong, wilful, argumentative children, three children who know everything and who all like to have the absolute last word in any discussion or disagreement can be utterly exhausting. I love them all with every fibre of my being but there are times when they not only push every button, but they push me to limits I never knew possible. It is a rollercoaster ride that is for sure.
Don’t get me wrong, it is a ride that I have never regretted and it is part of what makes being a parent such a rewarding job, but I do sometimes long for a few days, or even a few hours when I am not battling with one of them about something.
With the tween, he is now eleven going on seventeen. He knows everything there is to know about everything and will not back down in an argument. We don’t fall out a lot but the usual suspects are Minecraft and the ridiculous amount of time he spends on it, bedtimes and why he just can’t give up sometimes and accept that he is tired and really does need to sleep or being generally mean to his sister. Extreme tiredness affects him and we have all learnt to watch out when we see the signs.
L is nine and even though he is approaching secondary school (middle school, August birthday) he is still quite immature at times but he is and I suspect always will be the one who worries me the most and the one who I will fall out with the most. When he is in a bad mood, the whole house knows about it and when he is in one of his moods, he has this way of talking down to me that makes me want to scream (and often does).
A is just finishing Reception year and is finding her feet in the world as a ‘big girl’. On the whole, we get on really well but she is another one who likes to get her own way. We fall out about her whingeing when she wants something or her messiness, she loves to get all of her toys out together and then cries at the prospect of putting them back again. We occasionally have tantrums about the most ridiculous things such as hair, having a shower of a choice of clothes.
A few years ago I wrote a post called Pass the Strop and it was about a ‘game’ that we played in our house, where everyone takes turns at being stroppy and that game is still going strong. Whilst I am glad that generally they all take it turns to have their moments, maybe if they all got it out of the way in one loud, argumentative moment, I might get a few days off. A strop holiday. I love that idea. A week where I could sit and drink tea in the sunshine watching my blissfully happy children all play nicely with each other and happily doing everything that I tell them.
Back to reality though, I really do have it all; minor disagreements through to strops and out-and-out tantrums. It is all part of the tapestry of life as a parent and I am sure that it is perfectly natural when you have young, curious minds who are finding their way in the world.
But there are some days, hours, minutes when I am too tired to battle. There are occasional days when i don’t want to argue. There are some moments when I think that it is important to choose your battles. I have this theory that parenting can be a series of battles and so you should choose your battles wisely or you will be fighting all of the time.
When I say battles, I mean bickering, pushing boundaries, seeing how far they can go. I am quite strict with my children and they have always had clear boundaries. But some days, I won’t tell them off for arguing, I will sit back and let them sort it out for themselves. Some days I won’t get cross if they do something wrong as I know that they probably already realise their mistake.
I am not a perfect parent and trust me when I say that I do lose my temper and I do tell my children off, but some days I just let things go, I want my children to grow up responsibly, with a keen sense of right and wrong, but I also want them to grow up with fond memories of their childhood and of their mother, not with memories of a mum who was constantly shouting at them and telling them off.
I hear you! With three children with a similar age gap to yours, I understand. It doesn’t get easier and the only way to survive as a mum is by occasionally putting fingers in ears and letting them get on with it!
suzanne3childrenandit recently posted…Unrequited Love
Amen to that! There was a time when I thought my kids would grow up only remembering me as a nagging old witch, but I’ve chilled out a lot recently and shout a lot less. Sometimes an untidy bedroom or a biscuit taken from the cupboard just isn’t worth fighting about!
Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…A low pain threshold?