I never meant to be a mother who …

Sometimes I sit back and look at my children and I marvel that not only did I manage to create these amazing, living breathing people, but I do also seem to be making a not to bad attempt at setting them on the road to being decent human beings.

Of course, there are times when they make me want to physically bang my head against the wall in frustration but that is just part of the parenting course, surely?

With one well into the throes of adulthood, one about to step tentatively into teenagedom and two not far behind, I can’t help but think back to those early days when I had high hopes of being a perfectly perfect parent. I had read the books, I had sought advice and I had decided on exactly the sort of parent I would never be and I was hoping, and maybe a little naively, armed with a list of things that I would never do.  On reflection, there may be one or two (maybe all) of those declarations that didn’t quite made the cut.

I will never be a mother who takes their children to McDonald’s

All of those reports of the unsavoury contents of a chicken nugget and other such allegations sent my early self into a spin and I solemnly said those words on more than one occasion.  With the two middle children, I actually stuck to it for many years before I felt the power of peer pressure.  Yes, peer pressure made me do it.  Once they were at school, their friends went and they didn’t and as we have to drive past our local one twice a day at least, they had regular reminders of the thing they were missing out on.

In the end, I had to surrender to the cries of unfairness and to be honest, the drive through option was pretty damn useful on nights when we had little time and the kids needed feeding.  As for the boys, they were divided. L hated it all and R loved it.  He still does and it seems to be the must-visit place for lunch there with his mates.  As for my youngest, well with her I seem to have become a mother who takes their children to McDonald’s weekly.  I hang my head in shame. I am most definitely not loving it.

I will never be a mother who shouts at their children

Oh, how this one makes me laugh.  The fact that my husband also said this makes me laugh more.  Surely shouting has to be one of the ten commandments of parenting? How can you raise a child for 18 or more years without raising your voice? If you can, then I take my hat off to you because there are times when I just can’t help it.

Now before you get on your high horse and tell me that yelling doesn’t work, I know.  I have also taught as well as parented and I know that if you shout all of the time, kids just desensitise to it and then they ignore it, often even raising their own voices to compete.  But.  Every. Now. And. Then. A little bit of a rant or a louder than usual word is just what is needed to make the situation better. If your throat hurts afterwards, however, you may have gone a little over the top (says the shouty voice of experience).

I will never be a mother who lets her children go on screens all of the time

In my defence, this one definitely gets harder as your offspring gets older.  The tweens and teens of today seem to need a constant drip feed of YouTube to survive.  TV is a thing of the past, that is for old people.  My boys seem to drift seamlessly from one device to another and at times have two or three on the go.  Xbox, iPad, mobile, we have them all and I dislike them a lot but feel a resignation that they are just part of life and as long as there is some sort of balance, I am not the worst parent for allowing them. Plus I spend a fair amount of time on a screen so it would be a tad hypocritical to not allow them to.

I will never be a mother who makes different meals for everyone

Ok, this is a bad one.  I know that I should be working the ‘one meal fits all’ philosophy here, but it just doesn’t work. My kids have different tastes.  Really different and quite frankly, if I forced them to eat our ‘adult food’, I think two out of the three would actually prefer starvation.  I am a big fan of a quieter life, so some days I will make and prepare three different meals and if it stops the moaning, it is most definitely worth the effort involved.

I will never be a mother who buys their children expensive clothes

Why would you spend all of that money on clothes for children when they will grow out of them in a few months time? I used to say that a lot when the children were younger but now I don’t seem to say it at all.  If I did I would have to eat not only my words but also a few overly priced till receipts to hide the evidence.

Again, I will blame my nearly teen son for this as he will not wear anything that isn’t emblazoned with certain brand names.  I bought him a Christmas jumper from a certain well-known retailer which rhymes with ‘my park’ and his face was a picture.  He went pale and spluttered the shop name a few times leading me to believe he was unwell and walked away muttering and shaking his head.  I may have mentioned the words “snob” and “ungrateful” but he did wear said Christmas jumper in the end.

I will never be a mother who is late for things

I may have said this and then I became the mother who was never early for things.  It is impossible. Three children, bags, coats, devices, teenage hormones, it is like the being on the set of a soap opera most mornings before school and being late has become the norm. Being early was so last year and it means that I don’t waste a single second of time with my darling children (laughs hysterically as she rushes out the door.)

So there are a few of my hopeful declarations of parenting that have been trashed over time and I am sure that there are oh so many more. Does it make me a bad mum? I don’t think so. I like to think of it as a necessary flexibility that makes you as good a parent as you can be.  I do look back at my pre-children self and how I would judge other people with a smug smile but now I see things very differently.  I am now a mother who does her best and as the children are all doing okay, that is good enough for me.

Photo by London Scout on Unsplash