Is everything going to be all right?

One of the primary jobs that we have as parents is one of reassurance.  When they are very small, we are constantly there, telling them to try new things, to learn new skills and reassuring them that everything will be all right.  Then comes school and at each stage right through to the time they are pretty much fully grown, we reassure them that they will do well, that they will pass their exams, they will sort out problems with friends, girlfriends, that they will reach their goals if they try their best.

Then came Coronavirus wreaking its catastrophically ‘unprecedented’ havoc on the world.  For a while, everything stopped. We faced an enemy that we couldn’t see, we couldn’t stop and as parents we were faced with a dilemma.  How can you reassure your children that everything is going to be all right with a pandemic rampaging around the world in the only too visible background?

The answer is that we can’t.

My daughter is 10 and has quite a sensible head on her shoulders but last night she was unusually sad at bedtime. We had had a nice day chilling out together as a family. She couldn’t really explain what was the matter, she just said that she ‘just felt sad’ and that: ‘there was just nothing to look forward to anymore’. This made me feel awful.  I gave her lots of hugs and kisses and reminded her of the things that we had to look forward to such as her birthday and Christmas.  We talked about how well she has settled into her new school this term, how she finally has a lovely group of friends that she was really happy with.

Of course, earlier in the evening we had tuned in to the rousing words from our Prime Minister, so I guessed that this had played a part in her sadness.  I reminded that yes, we were going to have another lockdown but that this time she would still be going to school and that life wasn’t really going to change that much. As I have done so many times over the years, I squeezed her tight and said that everything would be all right.

Her response was that ‘I couldn’t guarantee that could I?’

I suppose not.

How do you reassure a worried child that everything will be all right? She is aware how bad Coronavirus is.  We have been lucky that so far, there haven’t been that many cases in our local area and we know a few people who have had it and they have all been okay. Thankfully.  But of course, that is not the same everywhere else. We have always talked quite openly with our kids about things and she is well aware how bad an illness Coronavirus is and it is impossible to hide the effect it has had on everyday life, let alone in the wider world.

Kids are resilient most of the time but this is tough for us all, so it isn’t surprising that they are going to feel even more anxious than usual about life at the moment.  I feel anxious, I get it.

In the end, I told her that no, she was right, I couldn’t guarantee anything.  I said that we would have a lovely family Christmas whatever happens over the next few weeks.  I said that we needed to focus on the things we could control such as enjoying time in school, having some nice family time. We planned a few nice activities for the following day and after a busy day of baking, homework and some lovely girly time doing hair and nails, she was certainly a lot happier this evening than she was last night.

It is hard being a parent sometimes.  You don’t always have the answers and you can’t always make promises. Sadly, Coronavirus is not going away any time soon and we can’t shield our kids from knowing about it, I guess we just have to teach them to make the best of things, even when everything seems a bit bleak.