Whether it’s the death of a grandparent or the loss of someone or something important in their lives, kids experience grief just like the rest of us. However, we often discount or minimise the grief of children, perhaps because it’s so hard to see ones so young suffer in such a way. Of course, just like many other things we would rather not have to experience grief over loss is an integral part of life on this planet no matter what our age. Fortunately, there are some tactics you can use to help your child deal with grief constructively. Find out what they are below.
Talk to them about death and loss
It’s not easy to talk to your kids about death and loss. However, it is so much better to do this as a matter of course than to wait until they experience all the feelings that go with this first hand. Indeed, spending time discussing death without using euphemisms can help prepare them for the inevitable experiences to come.
There are even wonderful children’s books like All My Friends Are Dead, where the protagonist is a dinosaur, that discusses this topic in a way younger children can understand.
Allow them to formally say goodbye
Thanatology experts suggest that the ritual of saying a formal goodbye to a person or thing that is lost can be very helpful for anyone experiencing grief including children. This may mean, in the case of a person that has died, taking your child along to the funeral if they feel up to it, something you can take to your funeral directors about if you have any questions. Alternatively, you may be able to work with your chosen funeral directors to find a solution where your child just attends some of the services, if you think it may be too overwhelming.
Alternatively, if its pet has passed, hosting your own memorial service at home can be helpful. Especially if you provide a marker for the grave, as this allows children a place to go visit and talk to the departed when they find themselves missing them.
Understand that grief can be a result of many things
While we tend to consider grief as something that relates to death, it’s also helpful to realise that our children can experience it in connection with a range of experiences. Indeed, in any situation where they feel a loss, such as a friend moving away, moving to a new school, or even when a parent breaks up with a partner, grief can be the appropriate reaction.
With this in mind, it is crucial to acknowledge this and not discount it, even if you may struggle to understand why a situation has elicited a grief response.
Encourage them to talk about their feelings
Last of all, if your child is experiencing grief over the loss of a person, thing, or way of life it’s vital that you encourage them to talk about, experience, and express their feelings. This can be particularly tough for us grown-ups because we don’t want to see our little ones sad. Yet there is value in learning how to feel big emotions and direct compassion to ourselves, a skill that can be cultivated at any age.
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