New Year & You Want To Get a Divorce. What should you not say when getting a Divorce?
Getting divorced is an emotional and complicated journey. Some mistakes are easily made once we decide that a divorce is the best course of action.
While you might say or do something off the cuff or in the spur of the moment, some mistakes can come back to haunt you later on.
The first thing you shouldn’t do is immediately tell everyone you are getting divorced. With your emotions running so high right now, it is easy to reach out to everyone for support. However, announcing to everyone you know that you are getting a divorce can backfire.
Your soon to be ex-partner may see your announcement as a way to punish and embarrass them. This can add fuel to the fire and make your divorce negotiations with your partner a lot more hostile and difficult.
Don’t use your children as pawns
If you and your partner have children, then take care not to use them as pawns or weapons to punish your spouse. Divorce is hard enough on children without involving them in your battles.
You should do everything you can to reassure your children that both of you love them and want to make this upheaval in their life as smooth and pain-free as possible.
It is easy to get lost in the battle between you and your partner at the beginning of a divorce. Your words and actions can hurt your relationship with your children, so try to keep your arguments between yourselves and don’t involve your kids.
Don’t play tug of war with your friends
It is usual for married couples to form strong friendships with other couples, and it can be devastating for them to hear you are breaking up. Your friends can grow to feel like part of your family, so the last thing you want is for them to feel uncomfortable about keeping their friendship with both of you.
You should acknowledge that they will want to carry on being friends with your ex, and it would be unreasonable for you to expect them to take your side in your divorce.
Remember that it is not up to you who your friends will continue to see after your divorce. Learn to compromise and respect their decision, even if you disagree with it, and focus on building a solid relationship with them moving forward.
Ignore divorce advice from family and friends
Every divorce is unique, so what worked for one friend or member of your family may not work for you. While giving divorce advice signifies that your family or friends love and care for you, their divorce experience will differ significantly from your own.
It is OK not to shun their good intentions, and it can be very reassuring to know that they are there for you emotionally, but you should never take any legal or financial advice from them. A simple “Thank you, I will think about it” will be enough to appease them, but your future is far too important to rely on poor advice.
Consult a family lawyer
These days, you may not need a solicitor to get a divorce, but getting the help of a family law expert can help you make sure that you both will agree on the finer details of your divorce.
A family lawyer can help smooth negotiations during a more contentious relationship break up and make sure that each of your interests is considered. Even if your divorce is an amicable one, it can still help to get assistance with all the paperwork involved.
