My children are all very intelligent. It’s funny how we often feel guilty or bad for saying that out loud. As parents, we all think that our children are the brightest, funniest, most amazing creatures and that is exactly how it should be. We should be proud of them, of their achievements; however big or small and I am incredibly proud of mine.
They are all intelligent. People often say that it is because they are like me. This comment always embarrasses me, but I guess it’s true. I have a degree and I can be classed as ‘intelligent’, however I am very lacking in common sense, which in my opinion cancels it out.
Like the others, L always showed signs at an early age of being bright. He was always well ahead with the milestones and knew his way around a computer by the time he was three and a half. He went to play group and although he developed well there, he struggled a bit with the social side of it and was a bit of a loner.
We had always worried about L a bit more than the others as he is an August baby; right at the end of August too. He was born by cesarean section and we begged the consultant to let me have him in September, but they wanted me in and him out before the bank holiday weekend, so they wouldn’t budge. Both being teachers, we talked a lot about the benefits of keeping him at home until he was five but to be honest, I couldn’t see the point as he would go into Year One and then it would be harder for him socially. Plus, L was and still is a bit of a character and so I was as keen for him to go to school as he was.
So nearly three years ago, aged four and week, he started school. He seemed to settle in well in spite of being a little challenging at times. Within a few months, I was called into a meeting with the Headteacher. I assumed because he had overstepped the mark again, however, it was to talk about how ‘gifted’ he was. She said that in twenty years of teaching she had never come across such an incredibly intelligent child. It was lovely to hear of course and she talked about me meeting with the Special Needs coordinator for the area about how to address his individual needs.
I agreed and the meeting took place a while later. We discussed his abilities and needs and she asked me a lot of questions as her observations of L had led her to believe that he was showing signs of Autism, which were later ruled out. She talked about ‘Gifted and Talented’ workshops he could go to at the weekends, about moving him up to the year above. There were schemes and programs and various things that could be implemented to help him develop his ‘gift’.
It was all lovely, but to be honest I came away with a headache and a definite information overload. It was all so overwhelming. My main concern for L as with all of my other children was for him to be happy. Of course I wanted him to progress and develop, but I wanted him to enjoy school and have friends. Maybe it’s just me but I have always felt that if a child is happy at school; both socially and ‘academically’, that is the main thing.
I certainly didn’t want him to move up a year as that is his brother’s year group and I didn’t see that as being fair on either of them. I didn’t really want to be taking him off on weekend workshops either as weekends are out family time and important for all of us.
I think that the school was a little disappointed with my reaction to the meeting. I wanted things to stay as they were and whilst I was really pleased that they had picked up that L was ‘gifted and talented’, I didn’t want anything to change. He is in a small school with excellent teachers and so I knew that he should be motivated and engaged in class.
Two and a half years on and where are we now. He is doing really well at school and in the next couple of weeks he will be sitting his SATS tests. I’m not worried as the school keeps the exams very low key and I am certain that he will perform well and to be honest I wouldn’t be worried if he didn’t. L gets very involved in his topics and often wants to do extra work at home. After a year of quite poor behaviour last year, he has matured a lot this year which is a relief. Is school his favourite place to be? Sometimes, he goes through periods of time when he repeatedly tells me that he ‘hates’ school or that it is ‘boring’. But I think a lot of children go through phases where they dislike school. He gets frustrated with the reading he has to do. He can read and read to a level way above his own age, however he really dislikes the school reading scheme books preferring to read anything that is related to football or rugby.
However, in the back of my mind there is often this nagging doubt. Yes, he is happy. Yes, he is progressing. But should we as parents be doing more to ensure that he remains motivated and engaged in school. Did I make the right decision to ignore the specialist advice to push him and make more of his abilities? Or did I make the right decision to just let him be a little boy? What do you think?
The G&T schemes seem to be a way of getting around the big anti-streaming feeling that has been so prevalent for the past fifteen years, by making sure that the top students get the attention and encouragement they need. If you are confident that your son is getting that from his regular classes, then I’d be certain that you’ve done the right thing.
I still need to step back from thinking about what made me happy as a child – being singled out as intelligent. I thrived upon it! But that’s not for everybody – it can be too much pressure for some, and a licence to stop working for others.
That is really interesting and it’s great to hear other people’s points of view. I agree that the G&T schemes are a real positive and I think if L was older, I would definitely consider it. However, he is very immature and also I worry about how it would affect my other son who is also bright and only two years older, but who hasn’t been singled out. It is really tougn.
Goodness I really wouldn’t know. Sorry that’s not much good to,you is it? If it were me my main concern would also be to make sure he was happy. And ensuring that he being motivated and being kept stimulated so he doesn’t get bored. I think if you went with your parenting instinct then you have done the right thing for him x
Don’t worry, it is really tricky I know! I think parenting instinct works most of the time, you’re right.
I think it’s a hard one but for me I try to push my daughter a bit. She’s bright, but in no way the brightest I should imagine, but she loves to learn. She’s done very well in her reading and I feel school are holding her back now so I do push her a little bit more myself at home but only because she loves learning – I mean her idea of a fun activity with mummy is a spelling test or sums (she doesn’t get it from me!!) Part of me feels that whilst they are still so keen and interested I need to harness it, as it might not last – but I’d never push them if I didn’t feel they could cope with it or if they weren’t really interested. My son is a different kettle of fish – bright but doesn’t really enjoy the academic side of things so I doubt I’ll ever try and help him along in the quite the same way.
I don’t think by ‘pushing’ you’d be stopping him from being a little boy, not if he’s doing something he enjoys doing anyhow but it’s a personal choice, and you know your child best.
That is so true and there have been times when both of my younger boys are bright and there are times when they love doing ‘extra’ work at home such as maths or ICT and I think that is great and I do actively try to keep them stimulated as I think that it is really important and I hope that that will help to stop him getting bored at least.
That was really good for me to read as we have a simular senario but the other way round little E misses a school year by a couple of days and at 3 and half is ready to go now but will have to start a year later. He has also been picked up as being advanced but despite this i don’t seem to be able to get him in early. It would be really good to chat to you as someone who understands.
Cat xx
I feel that as a mother of 2 ‘gifted’ boys. You did the right thing. If he chooses later on in his academic career to pursue higher education opportunities then you let him & support him in every way possible. Now if he wanted to be in the g&t program and everything else that is included with that but you chose not to let him participate then I hope he doesn’t resent you for that later in life. He may be young but it’s always wise to include his thoughts and opinions when it involves his future. Hope this helped. xx
Thank you, yes I have considered that too. It is so difficult but at the time, he was very young and immature and too young to make a decision like that. If the chance arises again now he is older and able to have a reasonable discussion about it, I would definitely feel happier taking his feelings into consideration.
Right this time – let’s see if the comment works.
Like you, all of my children are pretty bright, with the middle one exceptionally intelligent. His teacher told us at the start of Year 2 that his maths was already at Level 4. We were given the opportunity in Y1 and Y2 to move him up a year for certain lessons, but he chose not to do this and we respect his decision. To be honest, he’d probably have to move up two or three years anyway for it to have made a difference to him.
He is very happy where he is and has a group of bright friends. He still tries his hardest in everything he does even though it comes easily. He does lots of sport because I think that stops him getting bored and gives him another focus.
So I think you did the right thing! And I think I did too!
That’s really great to know, so thank you for taking the time to comment again! Interestingly, L is also really getting into sport and this does help as his mind is always on the go and he is not a ‘sitting down’ sort of child. It is so difficult sometimes to make these decisions, but like you, I am sure that with him I have done the right thing.
I think you’ve made the right decision. Childhood goes by so quickly and things like family time and being able to enjoy being a child are far more important to my mind that hot-housing a gifted child from a very young age. I guess getting him the right secondary school is important, something that meets his needs, as that is the time that he can really start to fly high.
I would have made the same decision as you. My little man has asperger’s syndrome, which is an autistic spectrum disorder. He is bright & has phases of liking doing extra work and other times when he doesn’t. He is about to go to High School and we took the decision not to go down the route of tutors and 11+ exams and grammar school etc. because we wanted him to enjoy being a child. So many people ask me why we didn’t put him in for Grammar schools, but I think there is so much more to life than just academic learning. That is improtant, but so are other things. As long as they grow up to be confident and able to make their own choices. BTW I came here from the Britmums education round up.
came to this post from the brit mums best of 2012! certainly is one for debate 😉 mine is still a bubba but i think if she ended up being very clever i’d push her in a healthy way… i think you’ve made the right decision x