Recently, I have heard some stories about children that have really shocked me and this has really made me think about what the wonders of technology is really doing to our children. One of them being a new so called ‘craze’ amongst teens, where it is now acceptable apparently to accompany a request to go out with someone with a photo. And no, I’m not talking about a nice profile photo here. Am I wrong to find this shocking?
Some people look to me as someone who has all the answers as my children range from three to seventeen. I do so wish that was true as I really don’t. Raising O has been a little bit like running through an obstacle course blindfolded. I stumbled my way through it all; sometimes tripping up really badly, other times navigating the course really well. That is how parenting is. Yet I never really worried about about the world he was growing up in. I worried about him from time to time of course, what parent doesn’t but with the age gap between him and his younger siblings, I feel like I worry a lot more about them and what the world holds for them.
I expected that I would be more protective of my first child and ironically I think it is the reverse. I feel more protective of my younger children, almost to the point that I don’t want them to do certain things for fear of the repercussions. It is really difficult now R is nine as he wants to grow up, he wants some freedom and some independence and I am finding it really hard to let go.
The dilemma is a difficult one. On the one hand we need to give our growing children some independence, both in and out of the house. They need to experience going out by them selves and doing things by themselves in order to prepare them for life. It helps them to develop, it teaches them to be free thinking, risk taking individuals. I know that and I understand it. Aged seven, I was wandering the streets on my bike and exploring the adventures that the outside world has to offer. Yet with my children I worry. It is not so much the worry that they will be taken away or hurt that worries me, of course that is always in the back of my mind, but I worry more about what I am exposing them to when I let them go.
The world for children has changed so much over recent years. Paedophiles, bullies, pornography, none of these are new phenomena, not at all but the so called ‘new media’ has changed everything and to a shocking degree. Children are now using the Internet and social media from a very young age and whilst most parents allow this and see it as a natural part of their development, it also seems to herald a loss of control. I think that the Internet has lead our children into very murky waters and it is worries me a lot.
Yes, if controlled, the Internet can give our children an outlook on the world that we certainly never had as children. The wealth of information at their fingertips is incredible when you stop and think about it. From an educational point of view, there are really no limits. Yet, how many parents do have parental controls stopping their children from accessing things that they shouldn’t. Like the television, computers and tablets have become part of a ‘baby sitting’ culture and that is fine as long as you know what your children are looking at. I am speaking from experience here when I say that it is surprising what young computer savvy children can find when you’re not looking.
As children grow older, their Internet usage changes and develops with them. Teens and even pre-teens are keen users of Social Media and Twitter and Facebook have become their main way of communicating with each other. Using these regularly myself, I know that if used positively, there is no real harm in this, however, it is open to huge abuse. Over recent months, I have heard and read some shocking stories where teens have fallen foul of the the power of Social Media, and some adults too. People seem to forget sometimes that this is the Internet and it makes people easily contactable, all too easily bullied and also that once something is ‘out there’, it is very difficult to take it back.
I’m not going to change anything I realise that. The world has evolved to a point where the Internet and social media is everywhere and there is not getting away from it. My nine year old son is desperate for a mobile phone and is already talking about wanting to Skype his friends and use Facebook. I have told him in no certain terms that none of these things will be happening for some years yet. The truth is that I don’t want them to be. I don’t want him to be part of that culture for a long time. I want him to be a child. Yes, he will use the computer now and then, but want him to do sport and play and not be in a hurry to grow up.
So on the one hand, by being ‘over-protective’, we are stifling our children and not allowing them to grow up with the right set of skills to tackle life as free-thinking, independent individuals. The alternative though is to let them go off out into the world and learn for themselves, which is all well and good if we weren’t so aware of the pitfalls that lie ahead. Add the Internet and social media into the mix and it all becomes very confusing. I suppose that the best thing is to try and find a balance, however, there are times when it would be much easier to just lock the doors and keep them at home, safe in the knowledge that they are with you and you can see what they are doing, but that isn’t the answer either. Maybe I worry too much?
A brilliant post and I am totally with you! I’m lucky that my 11yo son has no interest in social media yet. He has a mobile phone because he’s at secondary school. His brother and sister will wait until they’re at secondary school too.
Today, Syd managed to navigate from the teletubbies to South Park on Netflix. TWICE! Needless to say have now set the parental controls on! With older kids it is very hard,I take the honesty approach. Tell them what they need to know, trust them to be sensible, let them know that I will pop my head over their shoulder to check what hey are doing, and making sure they feel able to talk to me if they come across anything that worries/upsets them.
No I don’t think you worry too much – have you seen Tumblr – that is scary type in something like teenage blog on tumblr – its all about self harm, hating people, being the odd one out etc. It has become cool in a way – the blog isn’t reflective of the teenager the teenager is now becoming the blog if that makes sense. Most parents don’t even know the existance of these blogs
I worry too, Ethan has a Nexus with parental controls on full but I let him play it far too much and he would watch game walkthroughs 24/7 given the chance. Although he can only get on videos that are mostly suitable I’ve still heard language I’d prefer he didn’t and wonder what sort of impression grown men videoing themselves playing games gives. All his friends are at it and lots games that are a big no no for me it’s a difficult balance between not giving into peer pressure yet allowing him to do what the rest are without bending my morals too much!