Am I suffering with empty nest syndrome?

At the end of the summer time, I can freely admit that I was an emotional wreck. I have to  admit it as at times, it was pretty obvious. I held back the tears at A’s leaving playgroup ceremony, I barely hid my tears behind sunglasses at R’s leaving assembly on his last day of primary school and I even felt overwhelmingly emotional at the teen’s last parents evening.

I am an emotional person. I do get upset. Things on television make me cry, even if they are fictitious. I can’t help it, it is part of who I am, how I react to things. My husband always says that it’s endearing. At the end of term, I found it more embarrassing than endearing.

The summer holidays quickly passed and the new term arrived with a flurry of new bags, a new routine and people endlessly telling me that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself with all this time on my hands.

So what have I been doing with all of that time? Have I doubled my workload? Have I started on my huge ‘to do’ list?

Actually no, I haven’t.

I have felt very lacklustre. Unmotivated. And rather lonely.

I couldn’t explain it other than to say I felt redundant, it was ridiculous though, I had time to myself last year when A was at playgroup. Why was I feeling so grumpy?

It was my mum who mentioned empty nest syndrome and I think she could be on to something. Empty nest syndrome is usually experienced by parents when their children leave home. My children haven’t left home, I don’t have an empty nest exactly.  It is empty during the day but certainly full the rest of the time. Could I be suffering from empty nest syndrome?

I gave up my career to be a full time mum and my children have pretty much been my life ever since. Even though they are only at school for a few hours a day, there is a finality about school, it is the beginning of a long process that will eventually take them and their lives in different directions.  If you look at the symptoms of empty nest syndrome, they are mostly related to feelings of depression, loss of identity and purpose.

That all sounds a bit dramatic doesn’t it? But actually since I have started thinking about empty nest syndrome, it has made me feel slightly better. Those symptoms do tie in with how I am feeling.  I have been mum for so long now that I am not sure who I am without a child to hide behind.  The teen is still around a bit but now that he has left school and is planning to go travelling and to university next year, he doesn’t need me anymore and that is a massively emotional milestone for any parent to deal with.  Now that A is at school I have to face up to what I am going to do career wise and see if I can find an answer to “what do I want to be when I grow up?” Generally, I think I am a little bit lost.

It has allowed me to process why I am feeling the way I do. It has made me realise that I need to do something for me now and fill my time with things that I want to do. Things for me.  I need to start making plans and moving forward and to stop feeling sorry for myself.  I certainly need to stop eating endless amounts of biscuits.

The only thing that really worries me now is that if this is how I feel now when all the children are at school, how awful will it be when I have a real empty nest when the children are all grown up.  I shudder to think.