There was a time a few years ago when parenting shows were all the rage when phrases like ‘time out’ and ‘the naughty step’ were bandied around as the answer to every parent’s problem.
Naughty child? Give them some ‘time out’ or put them on the naughty step and within days you would have a shiny well-behaved little angel, good as new.
I’m sure it works if you persevere, but for me I did try these tactics but I was soon back into bad parenting mode and shouting until my throat hurt.
In all seriousness though, I do find that time out is quite a good tactic for poor behaviour, taking them out of the situation and giving them some space to cool down is quite a good plan. If any of mine are particularly naughty or if the boys get into a physical fight, off they go to their rooms for a while; time for calm and reflection.
But who says time out is just for children? Oh no it really is not. Time out is a successful parenting strategy on two levels. When things are getting to me (and by things I mean the children), I take myself off for time out. It is surprising how a couple of minutes away from the stress of it all, just to gather your thoughts can work wonders and I can see why it works well for children.
The problem I have with my children is that (possibly like their mother) they don’t like to back down. They like to have the last word and they like to wind me up. Sometimes a very small amount of time and distance works wonders.
Before you think I am a terrible parent who abandons her children at their hour of need, I always make sure that they are safe and I just go upstairs and sit on the bed or shut myself in the toilet just to get some time and space. A few deep breaths later and I am ready for battle or cuddles, depending on how the cross child is feeling after a break.
I can definitely recommend time out for adults and if you can take a nice cup of tea (or something stronger) with you along with a biscuit or piece of cake, even better. I do draw the line at the naughty step though, I won’t be sending myself there in a hurry.
Totally agree with you, Nicky. I have a volatile temper like you and it does wonders if I can go to my room for a mo, esp if the OH is there n can take over (the worst spats betw our two usu happen just b4 Sat lunch I find….) I also think it’s good to tell the kids why we’re going, that we need time out too as we get it wrong as well. Gives message that adults aren’t perfect and we practice what we preach, kind of thing? Sx
Siobhan@Everyone Else is Normal recently posted…Twenty Five Year Friends
That is very true and I do see it as a positive that they can see that taking time out when you get angry or frustrated is not such a bad thing.
Thank you for taking the time to comment
I think taking time out as a parent is a great idea, and also you are role modelling managing your emotions well, and hopefully your children will copy your example. I have a short fuse, and so this is also something I really need to consider. And you are far from a ‘bad parent’ …. you are being really aware and taking action. X
older mum in a muddle recently posted…New Shoes
Thank you, that is lovely of you to say. It is hard sometimes and if your children are anything like mine, they know exactly what buttons to push too which doesn’t help at all.
I agree sometimes I need to get away especially when I’m being bothered before I’ve had a cup of tea in the morning.
Erica Price recently posted…The Gruffalo’s Child Trail
Oh yes I am completely with you there, before my cup of tea I am definitely not as patient as usual
A great post – very wise words. I tend to lock myself in the bathroom (erm maybe with my phone).
Pinkoddy recently posted…Bad Parents Perfect Children
Thank you. Ha yes I may have been known to take my phone with me, although if I do it tends to be a bit longer than a few minutes
This is something I do too. The world seems a much better place after a few minutes of headspace. I like Siobhan’s point that you should tell the kids what you’re doing and why.
Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…Saturday is carrot caption day!
Yes I often do tell them as I think it is good for them to understand why you feel so frustrated, plus it shows them that is okay to walk away if you get angry or frustrated and take some time out