Reasons I will never be thin

Reasons I will never be thin

I am big-boned (AKA my life long excuse).

I like eating.

I seem to prefer eating things that make me fat.

I like eating lots of things.

When I tell myself that I am on a diet, all I think about day and night is food.  It calls to me, I start licking the pages of my recipe books.  I cannot physically leave the kitchen without eating something.

Healthy food tastes better with sugar on it.

Cheese should be eaten with everything.  If I don’t eat cheese at least once a day, I get deficiency cravings.

Salad is for rabbits.

salad

 

photo credit 5demayo http://www.morguefile.com

Salad is only suitable for human consumption if it is covered in lovely salad dressing.  Or cheese.

I love baking.

If I bake, I have to try what I have baked in order to make sure it is fit for human consumption.

Cake.  Biscuits. Crisps. You get the idea.

I could probably break the world record for eating a whole packet of Jaffa Cakes at great speed.

I physically cannot eat only one biscuit.  I can’t.

Pinterest.  I blame any extra poundage in the last year or so entirely on Pinterest.  My stream is filled with delicious looking loveliness all filled with cream, caramel, chocolate and it all makes me feel hungry.

The rise of the cookery programme.  I love cookery programmes and watch too many of them.  Professionals and amateurs all producing wonderful plates of food that make you feel like your putting on weight just by looking at them.

Exercise and I are not the best of friends.

Exercise to me is lifting up cups of tea on the hour, every hour of the day.

My general motto in life is why run when you can walk and it is even quicker to take the car.

I am magnetically attracted to the sofa after 7pm in the evening.

I drive past McDonalds around six times a day and even though I know I shouldn’t, I sometime find myself at the Drive Thru window and I don’t know how I even got there.  Muffin

When I am on a diet, the children’s leftovers taste like the best meal ever.

Calorie counting makes my head hurt.

My scales need new batteries.

Every cup of tea goes extremely well with a biscuit or other sweet accompaniment.  Working from home, I have a bout 25 cups of tea every day.

I have a slow/low/non-existent (delete where appropriate) metabolism.

Gravity.  I blame everything on gravity these days.

I think I am doomed.  Biscuit anyone?

biscuits

image credit Jusben http://www.morguefile.com

 

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8 Comments

  1. May 9, 2015 / 7:45 am

    Love this 🙂 That’s a lot of reasons! My principle is why drive when you can walk and why walk when you can run? I hate driving, but love running and walking! I’m convinced I genuinely have a very fast metabolism.
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…School shoes from BrantanoMy Profile

  2. They say one biscuit is too many and a thousand is not enough – coz once we start….. we can’t stop. Sugar – the devil’s food, but so delicious! Thanks for linking up to #MBPW 🙂
    Anya from Older Single Mum and The Healer recently posted…The Non Sitting Room.My Profile

  3. May 11, 2015 / 9:18 pm

    I totally love this post! I am on Slimming World and it is working but i do cheat and i think i will also never be thin as i love my food way to much. I can’t just eat one biscuit either i end up eating about five without realising x
    Lindsay @ Newcastle Family Life recently posted…50 Things That Make Me HappyMy Profile

    • Nikki Thomas
      Author
      May 11, 2015 / 10:05 pm

      Thank you, I am starting a diet this week and so it only seemed fitting that I should consider the obstacles in my way. I’m glad that you enjoyed it and good luck with Slimming World.

  4. May 14, 2015 / 6:32 am

    Yes!! Cheese with everything!

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