The things I don’t miss now my children are older …

We have all been there haven’t we? You know that you have produced your final child, life has moved on from the baby, toddler even preschooler age and then someone you know goes and has a baby.  Very inconsiderate.  As if by magic, those maternal instincts start to flow and before you know it, you are getting fake milk ‘rushes’ and looking longingly at baby clothes.

Enough of that. You have reclaimed your life (well, sort of), your bed (most of the time), sleep (hopefully) and some version of normality (maybe).  It is time to remind yourself of the things you don’t miss and enjoy the freedom that life with older children can bring you (along with being homework helper, referee, taxi driver of course).

Nappies. Enough said really, I don’t think nappy changing would figure high on the list of things I enjoyed about having babies. In fact, poo, in general, was never a high point.  Those korma style poo which always seem to explode out of the nappy, pretty much everywhere. Having to break the Olympic record for nappy changing to avoid pee or poo going everywhere.  Potty training.  Oh don’t mention the potty training, we still have the scars and stains to show for those years. Yes I know that older children still need the toilet and some should wipe their bottoms a bit better than they do, but I don’t have to see someone else’s poo or come into contact with it very often and that is just fine by me.

Sudocrem.  I’m sure there are other reputable creams that I could mention here, but I’m sorry, whereas Sudocrem is a wonderful and essential product when you have children, god help anyone who leaves a pot unattended near a small child.  I did once.  It was not pretty.  My son thought redecorating our living room with Sudocrem was extremely pretty.  I did not.

Taking the whole house with you every time you leave the house.  I actually bought myself a new bag the other day and it is a small one.  If comfortable fits my purse, keys and a few essentials but no longer do I have to carry the world in my bag .. just in case. There are one or two small remnants of those days; a pack of small, yet perfectly formed travel wipes, tissues, a small notebook and a few coloured pencils.  Gone are the nappies, the spare undies, the snacks and drinks; just in case, the games, the colouring books and pens, the sachets of medicine.  All gone. It feels liberating.

Peppa Pig. I did once quite enjoy snuggling up and watching Peppa Pig with my children and after a few years and watching most episodes about a hundred times, I realised that the love affair was over.  I no longer smiled as Peppa jumped up and down in muddy puddles, I found myself muttering under my breath about the ridiculousness of the characters falling backwards when they laughed. My Bull quite frankly just irritated me and surely it was time for Peppa to go to high school and for George to man up a bit.  Some children’s TV will always be missed, Postman Pat, Teletubbies, Chris and Poi.  Alas, poor Peppa, however, is gone and I am trying hard for it to be forgotten.

ChrisTheDude at en.wikipedia [CC BY 3.0], from Wikimedia Commons

Pushchairs.  There may be the odd occasion when I have missed the pushchair.  I didn’t have anything too fancy but it was quite useful for hanging bags, shopping and spare children on and on those long days with lots of walking and my daughter is moaning endlessly about being tired, I would quite happily put her in a pushchair.  Those occasions are rare though and I certainly don’t miss said child jumping out of the pushchair and it toppling over under the weight of the bags.  I don’t miss the negotiating through shop doors or around lots of people.  I positively love the fact that I don’t have to get it in or out of the boot and that I don’t regularly nearly lose a part of my hand trying to put it up or to open the clasps. Finally, I don’t miss having to buy another one because some idiot (that would be me) keeps forgetting to put the pushchair in the car and leaves it in random carparks around the country.

Tantrums.  I know bigger children do have tantrums but whilst they can be just as dramatic and loud, they don’t tend to do them quite so publicly. Thank god for that!

Toys that wail in the night.  Now my lot are bigger, they like their screens, LEGO and outdoor toys.  It is all about chargers these days and I can say with quite a large degree of relief, that the battery operated toys are almost extinct.  No more weird noises that suddenly frighten the bejeebers out of you late at night. No more disappointed little faces when you haven’t got that exact battery when needed.  No more terrible noises or annoying songs that can be played on repeat time and time and time and time again.  A word to the wise, however, don’t ever lose the charger to their phones or tablets.  That too can get pretty ugly.

Cold tea.  I know a lot of you will agree with me there.  How many times did you make yourself a lovely cup of tea or coffee, hold it in your hands, look forward to drinking it only to find it an hour later, cold and unappetising?  It is just not the same is it?  Very disappointing.  The same goes for meals too, especially in those early months when you are balancing a baby in one hand and a fork in the other.  These days I like my cups of tea and my meals hot and that is how it is going to stay.

Sleepless nights.  Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.  Take it from someone who knows. I have one child who, ten years on, still isn’t really into this whole sleeping at night thing.  Personally, I am.  Without sleep, I am not a happy bunny in fact I become extremely grumpy and bad tempered.  Luckily for everyone I know, things have improved drastically and I do manage a high percentage of the daily requirement and that makes me a much nicer person.

Needing to go to bed at 9 pm.  Oh, hang on I still have to do that.  Some things don’t change even as they do get older.