Tween dating for beginners

My two younger sons couldn’t be more different; one dark, one blonde, one reserved, one outgoing, one blue-eyed, one brown, one calm, one excitable.  It certainly makes life interesting, but one area of life where they really are different is in the ‘dating’ department.

L is ten and in his ten short years, he has had a number of ‘girlfriends’.  When I say a number, it really is a small number due to being at a very small primary school, but he ‘dated’ that small number many, many times over the years.

R is eleven and girls are not ‘his thing’yet. He is starting to appreciate the finer points of some girls (particularly Spanish netballers) but remains adamant that even when many of the friends around him have girlfriends, he is not interested and is not going to have a girlfriend until he is at high school (Year 9). He looks on at his brother’s antics with a combination of mild amusement and horror.

I knew that when L started middle school, the change from being in a school of ninety to a school of over four hundred would mean a renewed interest in girls.  We even joked about the large number of ‘girlfriends’ he would have over the first year.

It didn’t take long.  L was talking about one girl in his form a lot over the first few days and I commented to my husband that they would be ‘going out’ soon.  When I say going out, it really doesn’t mean going out as they seem to just hang about with each other at school, text and Skype each other at home.  The young lady in question seemed very keen.  L had been given his brother’s old (very basic) mobile phone and there would be regular calls, texts and messages.  Then one Sunday afternoon, she turned up at the house.  This was a bit of a shock.  Apparently they had arranged it via text message.

It was a little awkward if the truth be known.  She was really sweet, but L clearly didn’t have a clue what to do.  We walked to the local supermarket (his romantic request) and bought sweets and then they played on the Wii.

This new romance soon fizzled out.  L seems to like the chase more than the actual going out with someone.

Then there were messages from other girls. Lots of different girls.  They seemed to be queueing up. He loves the attention and you can see his face light up when he is chatting to them.

He did take a break, he liked one of the first girl’s friends, but I pointed out to him that this was not a good idea, even at his young age.

Thankfully, he seemed to listen and we have just embarked on girlfriend number two.

Once again, she seems very keen.  There are messages and phone calls aplenty.  We did have a strange 24 hours when L lost his phone and gave her the home phone number and we started to receive text messages through the home phone, which is slightly odd but quite amusing.  Amusing that is, until you get about five calls between 6 and 7 am that is.  We quickly found his mobile after that, I can tell you. We met at the park over half term and L spent an afternoon with his girlfriend and her best friend.  They seemed to have a good time and she bought him a drink which apparently makes her ‘boss’.

This is a whole new world for me.  My eldest son didn’t have his first girlfriend until later on and there was a lot less fuss.  There were no phone calls or messages and it all seemed a much calmer and less intrusive process.

When I was a tween, I remember having boyfriends, but it was restricted to the playground.  It was a lot more hassle to ring them and until I was old enough to go into town on my own, I only ever saw them at school. These days, of course, the wonders of modern technology have changed the world of tween dating. Mobile phones, tablets, Skype, social media have created a world where kids can keep in touch twenty-four seven.  Is this a good thing? I’m not so sure.

All children are different, but my experience of tween dating so far are that you need to be prepared for those devices to suddenly become the centre of their worlds when they aren’t at school and the sound of messages pinging and Skype conversations will be a part of everyday life.  If you are lucky, you might end up with lots of little followers on your Instagram account, all holding out for a look at your gorgeous son (no I am not joking, I really should make my account private.  They all seem to have combinations of xxooxx in their Instagram names and list their friends in their bios. Selfies.  There will be lots of selfies and a sudden need to have trendy clothes and ‘sweet’ haircuts.  Mirrors are suddenly very crowded places. Be on hand to offer soothing consolation and a plentiful supply of chocolate and TLC if all does not end well or alternatively keep an eye out for signs that they are getting bored or even two-timing as you may have to strongly suggest a break up is best.

Communication is the key.  I know that L doesn’t always like talking about his ‘relationships’ but I talk about them with him and encourage him to tell me what he’s up to. I can read him quite well and I can usually work out what is going on, which helps but I am glad that he will talk to me and I hope that continues, because I am pretty certain that the string of ‘girlfriends’ will continue.