When your children reach a certain age, as each Christmas approaches, it can be a time of mixed emotions. Will this be the last Christmas when they really believe? Do they still believe? Should you tell them the truth about Christmas?
I read an article earlier this year about the subject of keeping the magic of Father Christmas alive with older children and how parents should be honest with their children as soon as possible to avoid giving them false ideas and basically stop lying to them. With boys ages 11 and 12, the article made me think but I don’t think trying to keep the magic of Christmas alive for as long as possible is a bad thing is it? I certainly don’t feel like I am being cruel or encouraging them that it is okay to lie, I am simply trying to sustain the best possible version of Christmas.
For me, it seems like children want to grow up too quickly. I have no doubt that I was the same at that age, but you spend a lot of time being a grown up and having tweens that are still a little naive isn’t such a bad thing. There really is no rush.
Also, when is the right time to tell them? There is nothing in the parenting manuals about this subject.
Obviously, having a grown up son, I have been through this before, I’m pretty sure that at age 21, he no longer believes. But the thing is, we never had the conversation. He knew but he never mentioned it. He may have had the discussion with his father, but respecting the fact that his siblings were a lot younger, he went along with the whole thing each Christmas and of course still liked having a stocking full of goodies on Christmas morning.
So, as the festive season approached and one of my sons about to hit the teens just after, I did wonder if we would be able to eek out another year. The signs were favourable. He wrote the sweetest letter to Father Christmas with his lengthy list and all seemed well. Until Friday.
Driving home in the car, he announced (in front of his brother and sister) that his German teacher had really upset some kids in his class. My heart started beating faster and for some reason, I just knew what he was going to say. I cut him off saying we would talk about it later and he went quiet.
We didn’t get the chance to talk again but the next day we were driving to Birmingham, just the two of us, to do some Christmas shopping. Ironic then, that much of the journey was spent discussing what had happened in the lesson the previous day.
They had been talking about Saint Nicolas and how it was a myth and legend and then she announced that of course, they all knew that Father Christmas wasn’t real. Now, I have to explain here that they are in a middle school, so even though this is a class of twelve and thirteen-year-olds, this is a school where the older kids are still quite naive. From his description, the reaction in the class was mixed. Many booed her. Some looked upset. One apparently looked completely crushed by the news.
My son is very good at playing along and whatever was going through his head, he kept it to himself. Suddenly, I felt really guilty. Guilty that he had to find out like that. Guilty that I had tried to give him another year.
He was very matter of fact about it all as he often is. He said that he had suspected for some time but hadn’t wanted to say anything and we talked quite honestly about it. He had lots of questions. I asked him to keep the news to himself and not to share it with his younger brother and sister and I think he quite liked to be able to talk about it all. Then he went pale. “Does that mean that you have to pay for everything?” Bless him, he was really concerned about the amount of money that we had to spend as he had always assumed that a lot of the presents were free (I wish).
I’m glad that he took it so well although I still feel quite cross with his teacher. I did consider complaining but thought it would sound really silly to complain about a nearly thirteen-year-old being told the truth about Father Christmas. Maybe I should just feel satisfied that we did pretty well to keep it going this long.
The important thing about Christmas still remains. Being with family and enjoying the festive season together (and of course the presents). And as I said to him, “if you don’t believe, you won’t receive.”
Copyright: senoldo / 123RF Stock Photo
I can’t believe the teacher just came out with it. It’s one of those unspoken things isn’t it? He sounds like he’s taken it well though,all things considering. And the “if you don’t believe you won’t receive” is meant to work a treat 🙂
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Oh wow can’t believe the teacher just came out with it like that! How lovely of your son though to be worried about the money spent on the presents!
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I dont remember ever been told that Father Christmas didn’t exist – it was just one of those unspoken things perhaps as I had younger sibliings who were still little. That German teacher sounds awful! I teach much younger children and some of them clearly have been told the truth which I think is sad. They try and spoil it for the others so I have to steer clear of the subject. It is nice to keep the magic going as long as you can! x
Oh my goodness! What a way to find out. How lovely that he was worried about you having to pay for the presents.
Like you, I haven’t had the conversation and my kids haven’t come right out and said they don’t believe, but I know from things my daughter has indicated this year that she definitely no longer believes. As I said in my post, it’s a bit of a weight off my mind, to be honest.
Good luck in keeping the magic alive a bit longer for your daughter.
It’s hard isn’t it, deciding when is the right moment. I’d be very annoyed if they got it from attached though and would feel the need to talk it through with my child.
There is no rule book on this one, my eldest found out from some silly woman in the middle of the day on radio 4 talking about children’s books and endings and saying “it’s like finding out Father Christmas isn’t real” he was only 10 and I was so cross. My son didn’t mention it at the time and I thought he wasn’t listening, but then he brought it up weeks later and I wish I’d headed it off at the time.
Now non of my children believe (youngest are 12) and I am still delivering wrapped stockings each year and the kids have gone full circle telling me ‘tongue in cheek’ that of course they believe and don’t spoil their magic!
I feel for you and your son finding out as he did, I still tried to spin the magic with all of mine as long as I could, I hope you can too.
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That is a horrible way for children to find out. My boys are at the not sure if they believe stage, but it is not something we have discussed outright. Perhaps now is the time.
My younger ids have been asking for a while and I never confirm or deny anything and tell them to believe what they choose and that is Father Christmas makes their time magical then keep on believing. I think they all know he is not real but enjoy the fun. Mich x
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Oh that teacher sounds really thoughtless! It sounds like you dealt with it really well though.
If you don’t believe, you wont receive.
I love that motto.
I am just at the stage now where my child believes. I always believed in Father Christmas but being One of Four Girls he never did manage to stop at our house when we were growing up. My Mum then started doing us stockings as teenagers after she finished being a stay at home mum and could go out to work. Sure taught me about values!
Oh bless him, It’s awful what we put our kids through really isn’t it. It was such a relief when Liam found out about FC but now I have the two little ones and Boo is 10 so I expect it won’t be long before we are a household who doesn’t believe x
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It sounds like he took it very well. I think most kids find out about FC outside of the house, I know that all of mine bar one believe but they keep up the pretence just for him.
That is wrong that the teacher came out with it. I remember being told by a neighbour and our parents were so furious they threw her out the house. I cannot remember when my older ones found out but they still play along and love it