There is often a battle between older people and their family members when it comes to any steps that could be viewed as a loss of independence. It’s understandable, but it’s also a challenge if you’re the loved one who wants to protect your parent or another family member.
One big issue of concern is having an aging parent driving when perhaps they shouldn’t be.
It’s a safety risk not only for your parent but for other people on the road.
However, if you try to bring the subject up, your loved one might react with anger or defensiveness.
So what can you do?
Have a Direct but Not Accusatory Conversation
If you’ve noticed red flags that have you concerned your elderly parent may not be able to drive anymore, you should talk to your other family members and figure out if they’re on the same page or they’re noticing the same things as you.
As part of that conversation, you might want to consider if a driving safety class could help, or if you’re beyond that point.
The specific steps you take might also depend on what exactly is creating driving problems for your parent or elderly relative.
For example, if it’s something like vision or hearing problems, then a driver’s safety course is unlikely to help.
When you do initially speak to your loved one, you want to come off as caring without being accusatory or condescending.
Ask for your loved one’s input as to how they think they perform behind the wheel and what they see as possible solutions.
It’s better to try and come up with a mutually agreeable and voluntary solution, as opposed to having to force a situation.
You don’t want to go into the conversation as if you’ve already decided what your loved one is going to do. It should be a two-way conversation.
Come Up with Alternatives
Before you even begin the conversation with your family member or loved one, you should have some transportation alternatives in place.
Maybe you help your loved one learn how to use Uber or another rideshare service, or perhaps you set up a schedule where you’ll drive your relative to their errands once or twice a week.
Where to Get Help
What if you can’t come to a resolution and your loved one continues driving even when it’s a danger?
There are various resources available to you, which you can decide on based on what situation you’re in.
You might talk to your family member’s physician first. Your family member may be more likely to listen to what their doctor has to say than listening to you if it’s someone they respect and hold in high regard.
The doctor may be able to shed some light on the situation and help your loved one see how problematic it is that they continue to drive.
Another professional that your loved one may give more regard to as far as their opinion on driving is an elder law attorney. They can go over the financial and safety risks that can come with your loved one continuing to drive.
Often older people are very risk-averse to financial losses, so talking to an elder law attorney may help them understand the potential monetary repercussions if they were to get in an accident, cause damage, or injure someone.
If you try all of the above and you’re still unsuccessful, you may need to get your state’s DMV involved.
If you have a sufficient reason, you can report your loved one to the DMV, and they will initiate an investigation.
They may be able to require your family member to undergo a written driving test, a visual exam, or even take a road test. Then, there will be a determination made on the status of their license.
Each state has its own guidelines as to what would lead to them taking away a license.
Finally, if you’re at a complete dead-end, you might just take away your loved one’s car and car keys.
It’s likely going to create conflict, but you may feel that you’re at a point where you have no other choice.
Let your loved one know that you’re doing it, so they don’t think their car is stolen.
Talking to someone about their inability to continue driving is uncomfortable, but you have to do it in some cases to protect your family member but also the people they share the road with.
