Things I would never do if I wasn’t a parent

Do you sometimes look at yourself and wonder what happened to the person you once were? Before kids, I was this independent person who stayed up after 9 o’clock, put the washing machine on twice a week, managed complete conversations without anyone butting in, ate hot meals and had an anally clean house.

Not anymore!

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mum more than anything but there are times when I look at the current version of myself and wonder what I have become.

So this is my list of things that I seem to do on an all too regular basis that I probably wouldn’t do if I didn’t have my brood of little darlings.

Nag (constantly)

I actually do get sick of the sound of my own voice.  I’m not kidding.  I sometimes sit and almost chant to myself, “I must not nag ” repeatedly but then something happens or one of the kids does something and off I go again. Generally, it is the simple things like getting them to do homework, have a shower or get off devices but those things keep on cropping up, time and time again. Nag, moan, repeat.

Shout

I must admit that as the children grow up, I do seem to shout less but one of my children still does light the touchpaper and sets me off on a shouty rant from time to time.  Shouting isn’t good though and in my experience, it is not good for your throat, it’s not good for your own well-being, let alone their eardrums.  I must admit that now my not so little lovelies are all teens and pre-teens, I do shout less and for that I am thankful.

Pick up dirty pants and socks

This one really gets on my nerves.  If my husband left dirty pants and socks on the floor I would probably tell (or nag) him to pick them up.  Yet, somehow when my son leaves his dirty undies on the floor, I always pick them up and put them in the wash basket.  Of course, I do repeatedly tell (nag) him to do it himself but there are occasions when it is just quicker and easier to do it yourself.  Plus, you don’t want to relax in the living room surrounded by dirty socks and pants, do you?

Clear up someone else’s vomit

I think this one kind of speaks for itself but again I wouldn’t do it for anyone else but for my kids, anything.

Unblock blocked toilets (at least once a week)

Again, enough said I feel.

Cut someone else’s toenails

Urgh.  I have a real phobia of feet, I can’t bear them.  Especially, adult feet.  When my kids had little smooth feet, I had no problem but as they get bigger I find it a bit of an effort. The boys are now old enough to do their own even though most of the time they can’t be bothered, so I only have my daughter’s left to cut and I will be so happy when she is old enough to do her own.

Go on death-defying rollercoasters

When I was in my twenties, I could go on any ride. Any.  I loved them, the higher, the faster and the spinnier the better.  These days I find it a bit more of a struggle. We made a few theme park and fair visits this summer and the sheer relief when I could go on a really slow big wheel or something designed for three-year-olds. But oh no, I had to go on all of the really fast, high, spinny rides with my eldest son and there were times when I wondered if I would make it off alive.  It’s a good job that green is my favourite colour as that was the colour of my face most of the time.

Watch awful films

My goodness, I have watched some awful films over the years. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some really terrible adult films too but I’m not a huge film watcher but I have been to the cinema many, many times with the kids.  Some films are brilliant, I could quite happily watch most Disney films (although I’m sad to say I would be happy to never watch Frozen again) and the Marvel films are amazing. But there are some that were just so, so bad, I hope that no-one ever has to go through the pain of watching them. Ever.  And yes, Barbie films you are top of that list.

Hide fruit and vegetables in food

In my vision of parenthood, I did not foresee the need to hide fruit and veg into different meals. Again, I think this is something that does happen less and less as they grow up but currently I have a fully formed vegetable-phobe (aged 11) and I am having to work very hard to get anything healthy into her. I put a small pile of peas on her plate and she literally takes an hour to eat about three, it is horrific.  So I will carry on hiding the vegetables for the foreseeable future.

Washing towels.  Constantly

I am sure I have mentioned this before but I seem to have an endless (and I mean endless) array of towels in my washing basket and it drives me to distraction.  I mean, I love the fact that my teenage sons both like to shower but they use a towel once and put it in the wash.  Even if they have two, maybe three showers a day.  There just isn’t enough hours in the day to keep up.

Drink alcohol from a mug

This used to originally be a tactic to simply hide the fact that I was drinking alcohol.  Even though I am not a big drinker, I always felt guilty having a drink around the kids when they were younger.  Now, with two teenage boys in the house, it is more to protect any alcohol in the house purely for myself so that I don’t have to share it with them.

Be so happy

Last but not least, I would never have been so happy if I hadn’t had kids. They make life challenging at times but I wouldn’t be without them and I have no doubt that when they go off into the world on their own in the next few years, I will miss the towel-washing, bad film watching, fruit and veg hiding days.  But as I sip my Friday night vino from a glass I may raise a small toast to the fact that I will not be cleaning up any more vomit or cutting any more toenails.  Those days will definitely be over.