Active listening is a communication skill that everyone can learn and master. It can have a significant impact on your social interactions with others. For example, it can improve a relationship you have with your child.
Every day our eardrums are bombarded with sound waves that our brains later interpret and transform into usable information. Given this fact, is it not strange that active listening is a skill we have to learn?
Unfortunately, most of us are inefficient listeners. As studies have shown, a 10-minute oral presentation can be heard and understood by the average listener in only 50%.
With this in mind, we are here to show you the importance of active listening. If you wish to improve communication with your child, read on.
What is Active Listening?
As experts from MentorcliQ say, the goal of active listening is to make sure the listener fully understands what the speaker is saying. Hearing is not enough; you have to pay attention and interpret the message correctly.
Active listening effectively establishes a communication channel between yourself and another person. The first requirement, however, is to show genuine interest in others’ opinions and views. This task should be easy — you can start with mirroring back the speaker’s phrases.
Among the benefits of mirroring, you can find:
- helps avoid misunderstandings;
- makes neither party concerned with delivering their message as clearly as possible;
- creates a trusting environment for deep communication;
- The relationship between the two parties improves;
- You learn much more than you would if you were merely a hearer.
How Can You Improve Communication With Your Child?
Let’s shift our focus to ways that you can implement active listening as part of your parenting skill set.
Active Listening Exercises for Parents
Start by turning all of the parent-child interactions into active listening moments. Try it out in your car when driving to or from school or extracurricular activities, shopping trips, and any other “in transit” time that you typically spend together in silence. Later, you can extend it into more formal conversations.
How might this look? Here are some examples:
You arrive home from a car ride. The younger kids start to run off to play while you’re still outside. You say, “Charlie, why don’t you spend a few minutes with me in the kitchen?” You sit down at the kitchen table and ask, “How was your day?” Charlie replies with a sigh of relief. He says he’s exhausted. You say, “What did you do today at school that tired you out so much?” He tells you about his day. You get a full description of all the things he did to tire himself out. After 10 minutes of active listening, you conclude things by saying, “So what do you want to do now that you’re home?” He says, “Let me go play for a little while before dinner.”
A few nights later, your daughter has come home from school and she’s really quiet. The younger kids are playing in the living room while you and your daughter are sitting at the kitchen table having dinner. You say, “So, how was your day?” She looks up and says she hates school. When asked why she explains to you all of the injustices she’s been suffering lately. After 5 minutes of active listening, you conclude things by saying something like: “Wow! That sounds really tough! I can’t imagine how I’d handle it. How about texting some friends later when I’m not around?” She brightens up and says OK excitedly.
Within just a few days of actively listening during these little moments with your child(ren), they will feel much closer to you and WANT to connect with you more often — transforming any conversation into a meaningful one! It is also important to note that this is not only for parents — practicing active listening techniques when speaking with family members (your husband or wife) or even close friends will help deepen relationships across everyone in your life!
Serious One-on-One Conversation With Your Child
If your child is old enough (e.g., at least 7 or 8 years old), then you can turn an everyday conversation with them into an opportunity to practice active listening techniques on a more formal level.
Although it might take some time for them to warm up to this idea (e.g., they may feel their views are more important than yours or they might be able to speak forever without stopping), this exercise will build trust between yourself and your child because they’ll know that whenever they wish to discuss something important with you, they’ll have your full attention.
The Bottom Line
The art of active listening is lost on many parents. As adults, we have a tendency to be very patronizing towards our children, without even meaning to be. We simply take everything they say with a grain of salt — after all, their lack of experience and knowledge about life makes it difficult to take their statements seriously.
As they grow up and become more independent and mature, our tendency to treat them like inexperienced toddlers remains, leading to gaps in communication with kids. Taking yourself out of that mindset and practicing active listening during conversations with your children may take some effort, but it can help improve your relationship with them and make them truly consider you their trusted friend, someone they can share anything with.
