As the second of my offspring turned 18 a few months ago, my mind was turning too. How did we get here? How did that little baby I held in my arms become this six foot something young man? Where has the time gone? Will he survive the alcohol-filled weekends over the summer holidays now that he is legally able to drink and free from the shackles of school?
It is a weird feeling when you children reach this milestone age. It marks the end of an era. In just a few months, he will have finished school and be heading off to the independence of university life. I will go from seeing him every day to only seeing him every few weeks. He is off to make his own way in the world.
It feels like his 18th was a huge deal. Lots of celebrations. It felt a bit like it lasted longer than the Queen’s birthday, but I get it. For him, it was a big deal. It signifies becoming an adult and maybe more importantly it signifies being able to now legally drink and buy alcohol. But as we all know, there is a lot more to being an adult than that. Even if it is a phase that we all have to go through.
In reality though, even though legally you are an adult at 18, are you, really?
I suppose it depends on each individual and their circumstances at that age. My son is mature but a little naive and I would say that even though he is man-sized, he still has some experiences to have before he really is one.
But what makes an adult?
I have days when I don’t feel like a proper adult. I know I am one. I am older, supposedly wiser with what feels like endless responsabilities, but there are days when I would quite happily stay and hide under my duvet with a large selection of crisps and chocolate to keep me company. That doesn’t seem very adult-like (or hygienic).
Is it being old enough to make your own decisions? Or other people giving you the credit to make your own decisions? I have been lucky that my son is very respectful and still talks things through with me with most important decisions but I know that I can trust him to make his own decisions. And from here on in he will have to (and I will have to let him).
Is it having responsibilities – jobs, mortgages, kids, bills to pay? That can certainly be a wake up call. Although I am not in a rush for him to have any of that to deal with for the time being. I think we will stick to the responsibility of managing his finances and life at university as a starter for ten.
Or is it taking responsibility that makes you an adult? That is a very different thing indeed. Taking responsibility for your own actions and accepting that there are consequences for actions. That is a very big part of being an adult.
Do you magically become an adult when you move away from your childhood home for the first time?
Is having to stand on your own two feet and deal with everything, from the small stuff to the bigger things?
When I turned 18, things were different. Things were changing but it still wasn’t unusual for people in their teens to settle down, have children and even get married. For my kids, the very thought is unimaginable. That is the sort of thing that old people do. That must make me prehistoric then.
Are we as parents responsible for helping our children become adults? I know that I have done far too much for my gorgeous poppets. Partly because I want to. My mum often says to me that I do too much for them, but do you know what, I am the adult and I want them to be kids while they are young and not have to worry about too much. Also, sometimes as a parent it is easier to do things yourself as you know that they will be done well or at all.
Oh look, I just admitted to being an adult. That must be official then. Maybe that’s it, you just realise one day that you are an adult and it is really about how you see yourself and not something that suddenly happens when you are 18 years old.
