The dating game is complicated and fraught with emotions. For tweens and teens who are new to the whole process, it can be particularly stressful and even distressing, so it is a really good idea for you to talk to them about dating before they actually start doing it.
If you have boys, then talking to them frankly about dating is especially important because males can get some very toxic messages about dating online if they are looking in the wrong places.
With that in mind, here are a few key things you should teach your sons about dating right now:
1. Start as friends
It is never a bad idea to stress to your sons the importance of being friends with girls before they start dating them. A good dating foundation is built on mutual respect and shared interests and spending time with girls just as friends is a good way to find out if a relationship is likely to be successful or not. Hopefully, this will also help to give your sons permission to take things slowly and not rush into dating before they are ready.
2. They don’t have to be mean
In some areas of the internet, there are men who profess that being mean to the women they want to date is a good way to attract them and that being mean once in a relationship is a good way to keep them keen. This is a pretty toxic view but it is also an increasingly prevalent one that your sons are likely to come across online eventually. Preempt this by talking to them about the benefits of being a nice, kind, and considerate person. Dhow them that males whoa re wind stand just as much chance of securing a date as a mean man, and discuss how being cruel is never the right thing to do.
3. Encourage them to date in person
These days, we have Tinder, Match.com, Polish dating sites, and a million other ways to connect with people. Yes, these may be for adults only, and a good way to meet the right person to boot, but many kids are taking a leaf out of the adult book and conducting their dating activities mostly online whether on Whatsapp, Instagram, or elsewhere.
There is nothing wrong with this per se, but if you want them to develop into well-rounded adults, then encouraging them to meet up and talk to their dates in person is never a bad idea. Going on dates and hanging out with their dates will show them what it is really like to be in a relationship and help them to develop healthy boundaries much more effectively than dating almost wholly online.
4. Breaking up is not the end of the world
It would be unusual, in this day and age, for a tween or teen romance to last the distance, so before they start dating properly, it is worth talking to them about how normal breakups are, and that although that first breakup can be heartwrenching, they will get over it. Stress how important it is to keep doing the things you love in the face of heartache, and how you will always be there to support them no matter what and they will navigate the choppy waters of rejection with a little more ease.
5. Teach them the importance of friendship
If you do not want your son to find himself lonely and depressed after a breakup, talk to him about how important it is to maintain your friendships when you start dating, Stress that you understand how overwhelming a romantic relationship can feel and how it is natural to want to spend lots of time with the person you are dating but that you child should also make time for friends and not spend their time exclusively with their girl or boyfriend if they want to be kind, be a well-rounded person and have lots of friends to fall back on should their relationship not last as long as they thought it might. So many lids struggle with this issue and it can be heartbreaking.
The more your songs know about dating before they head into the minefield, the more enjoyable their experiences are likely to be, the more respectful they are likely to be, and the safer they are likely to be, so even if it feels uncomfortable to do so, be sure you have a chat with them when they are approaching the age when dating could be a real possibility.
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