Big Head, Small Hole

I think that I have normal children. Well normal sized children, anyway! I’m not sure the word ‘normal’ would be a suitable description of my little darlings. However, I didn’t have sex with a seven-foot large headed alien (or at least if I did, I didn’t notice!)

Surely I can’t be the only parent that has this problem? My children are all tall for their age, which plays havoc with the clothes sizing at times.  But my children all have abnormally big heads. Actually, I also have an abnormally big head. I first realised when I was small, my mother was an obsessive knitter. She did produce some very interesting get-ups for me, but her favourite was always hats and scarves. I had a matching hat and scarf to go with every outfit. Tight fitting hats which slid off my head over a period of time and long scarves that rivalled the ones worn by Tom Baker’s Doctor Who.

My mother’s answer to the hats that wouldn’t stay on? An excuse to knit a lovely little strap that buttoned the hats firmly under my chin making me look like a complete idiot. When I complained, she would laugh and say that they looked fine and I shouldn’t worry. So thanks to my mum and her amazing knitting prowess, I spent my formative years looking like a fool and wondering why nobody else had woolly hats strapped to their heads.

Then came the eighties and hats became fashionable. It was then that I realised that I did not have a normal sized head. All of my friends had these lovely trendy hats, but would they slot onto my head. Absolutely not! They would perch on top and however hard I pulled them, they looked completely ridiculous.

I can remember a shopping trip to the wonderful city of Bath, accompanied by my mum and my auntie. We went into this wonderful shop that had just opened called Accessorize. I was in heaven: jewellery, scarves and of course rows and rows of assorted hats. Surely there had to be something that would fit my over sized appendage!! And there it was! A large wide brimmed black hat. It was quite expensive but I didn’t care. I wore it everywhere and my god I must have looked like a right numpty! The wide brim was good for parting crowds in the pub, however.

When I finally came to my senses, the hat went to the charity shop but I still love Accessorize and I often try hats on. My mum and I were reminiscing about my history of hats last winter. I tried on one of those lovely slouchy hats that were very trendy last year. Except on me, it was more tight fitting tea cost than a chic fashion accessory. So alas I think my dallying days with hats are over and in the winter I just have to freeze.

And what makes this all the more upsetting is that of all the traits I could have passed on to my lovely children, they get my over sized head. It is a nightmare! Hoodies have to be about three years bigger than their actual age to avoid the need to surgically remove them. Even then it is a task of extreme delicacy trying to remove them without taking their ears off at the same time! I bought one of those lovely hooded swimming towels for my nearly two-year-old daughter. It said for age 3 – 6 years. Did it fit? Yes! Did it come off without very nearly detaching her head at the same time? No! So now we have a beautiful hooded swimming towel with a rather unbecoming rip down the front!

And for those of you who read the title of this post and were expecting a painful birthing story, I hope that this post didn’t disappoint!