Troublesome toys!

There are moments in my life when I would quite happily throw every single bit of plastic rubbish, every toy and every piece of Lego in to the bin. I mean it too. I know it seems harsh but as I blogged a few weeks back, we have so much stuff! I can’t move in this house without some plastic creation causing me offence.

Lego. How many of you parents of Lego lovers have had a small piece of Lego wedged in the bottom of your foot in the past?  A friend of mine also had a rather unfortunate ‘incident’ with a Lego creation that lurked at the bottom of her bath, unbeknown to her until it was firmly wedged where the sun doesn’t shine. Suffice to say, Lego is now banned in the bathroom and that sounds like an excellent rule to me and one which should meet the approval of the health and safety conscious amongst us.

With me, it is a lot less drastic but those tiny ‘oners’ as my lot call them are demons. They lurk unnoticed in the carpet or rug, just waiting to stick their sharp little corners into your bare feet. Ouch!

Another side to Lego is the incredible ease with which it crumples into a pile of insignificant bricks when I touch it or try to gently dust it. Now I am a huge fan of Lego, I love building random things myself, but trying to transport it is a nightmare. My eldest son had a lot of the Harry Potter Lego and you can imagine his face when I accidentally dropped his just completed and much loved Hogwarts castle. It was not pretty I can tell you!

Having three Lego loving boys, we have a vast array of Lego models which ofcourse have to remain intact (although I often feel they are missing the point with this) and as a result of mummy’s ‘clumsiness’, the Lego models now have their own cupboard which is a place I only frequent in an emergency.

I won’t mention the ‘b’ word as I waxed lyrical about my general ball loathing a couple of weeks back, but general sporting equipment is taking over the house.  Apart from the huge amount of the round, bouncy things, we have bats, rackets, skipping ropes and a huge selection of other sporting ‘stuff’ for me to pick up, trip over and generally take a dislike to.
But the biggest toy nightmare has arrived with the birth of my daughter.  The first girl.  I didn’t really think about it much at the time, but I have a bit of a phobia about dolls.  They are vild and horrid things, with their stary, beady eyes and always smug, smiling mouths.  Dolls belong in horror films, not in my house.  I was fairly resolute that there would be no dolls, but I hadn’t reckoned on my mother in law; who has bought A mountains of dolls.  It makes me shudder just to think about it.  I will be sitting minding my owne business and then I will notice one out of the corner of my eye, watching me.  Trust me, I won’t be encouraging a long flirtation with these things and they will all be on their way to a charity shop near you very soon.

Finally, there is the joy that is the noisy toy.  Don’t you just love them?  Why is it that the toy with the most annoying and loud noise it the one that your children play over and over again.  I sometimes think that they don’t actually hear it.  Maybe it is like a dog whistle and that some are designed purely to annoy the hell out of unsuspecting parents whilst the child can’t actually hear it?  We have a small device that makes a variety of ‘farting ‘ noises and I hang my head in shame as I actually bought the damn thing.  It is the single most annoying thing that I have ever experienced.  My six year old son is now banned as he sits and just presses the buttons over and over whilst distractedly watching television.  It is infuriating.  Then there are those noisy toys that go off when you least expect it and frighten the life out of you.  We have a doll (yes, bought by my mother in law) which when switched on reacts to movement and it crawls and giggles.  A loves it ofcourse, but not only does it have a demon doll face, it lies and waits patiently for me to sit down with my tea before scurrying across the carpet and laughing to itself, resulting in me jumping quite literally out of my skin, spilling my tea and wanting to hit the laughing lump of plastic over the head with heavy instrument.

I know that toys are a wonderful thing.  They help children with development and motor skills and imagination, but as the years pass, I definitely think cardboard boxes and wooden spoons are the way forward.

Does that look like a loveable dolly to you??