The art of evasion

I was explaining to the boys this afternoon on the way home from school what the word ‘evasion’ means.  I explained that it meant avoiding something and that if someone was evasive, they would often avoid something.  R as per usual was not happy with this somewhat ‘evasive’ reply and wanted an example.  So I explained that if he had done something wrong and didn’t want to tell me and changed the subject, he was being evasive.

He smiled at me in that way that he does when he has a light-bulb moment and said that evasive was what I was most of the time.  Stupidly I questioned this and he explained that I often use phrases like “We’ll see” or “Maybe” when they ask me something and that he reckoned that was me being evasive.

I do hate a smart arse.  Somewhat reluctantly I agreed with him and praised him through firmly gritted teeth for finding a good example to illustrate the point. But it did get me thinking about how ‘evasive’ I have become over the years.  It is true that “We’ll see”, “Maybe”, “Maybe later” or the classic “We’ll ask daddy!” are phrases that come out my mouth a lot.

Why is this?  Why have I become so evasive?

I’m not sure that I was ever a really decisive person before I had children, but why have I developed this inability to say yes or no.  Is it an integral part of parenting?  Are these phrases in all of the parenting manuals as good ways of getting out of decisions that we don’t want to make or conversations that we don’t want to have?

I suppose it stems mainly from the fact that children do tend to go on and on, particularly when they are quite young.  There is always something that they want and they will wear you down verbally until they get it.  At these trying times, the “we’ll see”s and the “let’s ask daddy when he gets back”s come in handy as a diversionary tactic.  It takes the pressure off your ears and your stress levels.

Plus, these small people do seem to have the most incredible memories and one thing that I have learnt over my years of parenting is never and I mean NEVER make a promise and particularly one that you can’t keep. That will certainly come back and bite you on the bum, I can tell you as a promise to a small person is a word of huge commitment and to break a promise, well quite frankly is the end of the world.  R was getting upset over something the other day and whined at me that I had promised, but I assured him that that was something that I would never do.

However, as much as these evasive tactics are a good and sometimes very useful tactic, it is hard when the shoe is on the other foot and your children start being evasive with you.  As they get older and head towards the dreaded teenage years, the evasive tactics definitely kick in. It’s not so great then when you really need an answer or a specific piece of information and they just can’t quite manage it.

So after today’s discussion about evasion, I am going to try really hard to be more decisive and committal towards my children and stop saying things like “we’ll see” or “maybe tomorrow” .. well maybe I will, we’ll see.