Last Sunday I took the children to our favourite park. It is surrounded by rolling hills and stunning countryside and it is a place where you take a deep breath filled with fresh country air and get ready to play.
And play we did. A’s favourite thing is the zip wire. Like her brothers, she likes moving fast and has a real sense of adventure. The love of the speedy zip wire is marred only by her fear of falling off. I let her go once and the bump at the end took her by surprise and she fell quite hard to the ground.
There were tears. But being my brave little girl, she got straight back on, constantly needing reassurance that I wouldn’t let go. This time was different. She looked up at me and reassured me that she was big enough now to go it alone. She would hold on tight at the end.
And she did. The smile on her face was a picture. Happiness from flying through the air in the sunshine. Joy from going solo, being a big girl.
As she pulled the zip wire back to another waiting child, she grinned at me and said; “Are you really proud of me mummy, I don’t need you anymore?”
Outwardly I was smiling and telling her how very proud of her I was but inside I felt sad. Of course she still needs me, but this small act of independence seemed to symbolise something greater. Change.
This year everything is changing. My baby is going to school. She had her first taster session in school yesterday and unlike some of the other little ones, there were no tears, no tantrums, A didn’t even look back as she went into school. It was amazing. But when she goes to school full time, that’s it. No more babies or pre-schoolers for me.
Not only is A going to school, R starts secondary school. He has outgrown primary and is expectantly waiting to start the next chapter of his education. I’m not so eager. I would like to slow the next few weeks down, make them last longer. Those leaver assemblies will require sunglasses and tissues. Lots of tissues.
Then there is the teen. He is now a man. Eighteen, school finished, exams done, driving, working. His new life stretching out before him and I am quite envious of the exciting new experiences that he has ahead of him.
In one way or another they are all heading off on that zip wire without me holding on to them.
Such a moving post. A’s words were so poignant – how do they do that?
I’m so glad I still have another year before the sunglasses and tissues of leavers’ assembly. I don’t think I’ve recovered from last time, and that was two years ago.
Even though they are all moving on, I’m sure your kids will need you to hold them on the metaphorical zip wire for a long time to come yet. x
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Although it is lovely to see them develop from babies into independent young adults it is an emotional journey. You should be very proud of their achievements – bright and beautiful little peeps x
Ahh going to proper school is such a big step and I am slightly dreading it even though I know it’ll come along in no time. I think the support for that zip wire lasts for ever and ever. I know I still need it. Xx
I’ve been feeling this this week too. For me it was seeing a mother playing with her pre-schooler and having a blast as I was walking round some gardens taking photos. Those sort of care-free days seem to be disappearing – sad times x
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Your A and my Little A must be the same age, as Little A begins reception in September too. It’s going to be a big change. And like your A, my Little A is also finally confident on the zip wire after a few mishaps along the way. Knowing that this is your final time with a child growing up, starting school, finding their feet without Mum and Dad, must be pretty heart wrenching for you, especially as you’ve done this four times now. X
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Oh my – I’ve got tears after reading that. My little man happily waved goodbye to his dad and sister, took my hand and confidently marched down the road to nursery this morning and it really gave me that pit of the stomach feeling of realisation that he’s no longer a baby any more. A bittersweet moment.
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Gulp
Oh my goodness. Big hugs. I remember this so well and now mine are off to uni!
Sending lots of love.
Oh goodness me, of course I’m not crying… No. You’re imagining things.
I’m noticing these little “Oh…” moments more and more recently, while mine goes and does something completely on his own, they’re so ridiculously bittersweet, aren’t they?
A really gorgeous post, missus. I hope these last weeks stretch and stretch for you xx
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