Bickering.
It is a funny word isn’t it? It is one that I use a lot. “Please stop bickering.” “Can you stop bickering?” “This bickering is getting on my nerves.”
I spend happy moments with my eyes closed trying to imagine a life without bickering, where all three of my younger children would live in happy harmony, getting a long with each other, being nice to one another and everyone would be happy. Then I am jolted back to reality again by .. you guessed it; bickering.
Why can they not get on?
Is it clinically impossible for children of the same parental origin to get on? I was an only child growing up and friends would tell me that I was really lucky. I didn’t get it then. I do now.
They don’t bicker all of the time. There are times when they get on and play nicely in their different combinations but it never seems to last. One minute the best of friends and the next, bickering.
It is bickering more than anything else. They rarely have big full on arguments and although there is the occasional ‘fight’, it is mostly bickering. Niggling at each other, winding and reacting. Fairly low level on the whole but annoying all the same.
R is big chief winder. He loves the thrill of winding his brother and sister up. It must be the equivalent of a firework display; light the fuse and watch them blow. He also has to have the last word so this makes him the continual bickerer too as it is extremely hard to make him stop.
L is the reactionary. He cannot take the winding from his brother. R knows exactly which buttons to press and L reacts. Usually loudly.
A is the lesser spotted bickerer or bickerer in training. She is getting a good education in the art of bickering from her elder brothers and is learning not to follow the words of her favourite song; let it go. Oh no, none of them can let it go in this house.
So why do they bicker? They are all quite competitive, so I suppose that that might be part of the reason, are they all competing for attention? Perhaps it is just their personalities; they are all very different and this causes friction at times. Is it just ‘sibling rivalry’, all part of the process of growing up together in the same house?
Whatever it is, I can’t seem to stop it. I try very hard to convince them to talk about things calmly and gently. That doesn’t happen. I tell them that I am fed up of the constant bickering. That doesn’t stop them. I take things away to encourage them to stop. The bickering continues.
I would be interested to know if it is normal behaviour for siblings. When they get on it is lovely to see the bond between them all but those moments never seem to last for long.
Maybe one day I will be treated to a bicker free day?
I am so, so glad that you posted this. I too live in hope of my children (4, 7 and 8) stopping bickering. They just seem to take pleasure in being low-level mean to each other (although, in fairness, they can play nicely together too on occasion). I am one of three and now, in adulthood, we all get on very well…so I live in hope!
Yes the low level mean is the thing that drives me mad. I often find myself saying that if they can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
My girls bicker….I would love them to have just one day when they don’t….lol Maybe when they’re adults? but I doubt it….I still bicker with my brother….lol x
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it’s funny that most people have said that the bickering continues into adulthood. I really am going to have to get used to it, aren’t they?
I wrote a post about this last week. My two are just the same, LP being the winder and BP the reactionary. It is never ending and it’s often the holidays that are worst.
Think of it this way…
When they’re older with kids of their own you’ll be able to snigger when they complain that their children won’t stop bickering. Until then you just have to cope, unfortunately!
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That is funny as the holidays are slightly better here. I find that the tiredness and stress of the school routine make it worse here. Car journeys are the real problem though, I dread them
I feel your pain! My kids are so similar. It’s just exhausting and totally pointless. It doesn’t make anyone happy, so why keep doing it?
No tips here I’m afraid. I’d be very happy to hear any!
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Sadly it seems to be a common problem but the only solution is to suffer and try and ignore. I may have to take up meditation or something to try and shut it out
I hate to disappoint you but as a child of 5 we bickered incessantly – I think it’s because you can. Who else could you have that level of comfort with to bicker with and get away with it? And you know what? We are now mid-30s to mid-40s and we still bicker when we see each other, but it’s heart-warming, as it shows me how comfortable we all are with each other still. I’d say it’s a good thing, so let them get on with it and switch off when it happens 😉
Oh no does that mean I have endless years of this! I suppose it does denote a certain sort of familiarity with each other and they can be so incredibly close sometimes, I know they would do anything for one another. Yes I will try the switching off thing and see what happens.
It’s funny, I always thought, I had somehow been lucky enough to not produce children that bicker. I gloried in the lovely conversations at the back of the car, and at meal times. How silly I was, it was just because of the age gap. As soon as A reached 4 the bickering started. Darn it.
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