Every time he speaks, he has to sigh dramatically and speak to you as if you know nothing. Because of course you know nothing.
Eye rolling is the only available facial expression. It is done in response to everything that you say with a few extras for good measure.
Posing for photos is head down and sulky face.
You have to quite literally drag him out of bed in the morning. The little bright-eyed boy who used to wake you up in the morning has now becomes firmly attached to his duvet.
Morning conversation does not happen. If you are lucky enough to drag him out from beneath his duvet, don’t expect to have a conversation in any other language than grunts.
You always seem to say the wrong thing which is of course a cue for more sighing and dramatic eye rolling.
Life with him could be compared to being on a hormonal rollercoaster; one minute deliriously happy and the next slamming doors and foul tempered. Moods also change dramatically and in a split second, without warning.
Even though you saw it before he did, he covers his privates when he gets changed.
Clothes have become important and you are no longer allowed to just buy any old thing. The price tag of his chosen clothes is definitely going up too.
You have to wait a long time to get to the mirror and you will find your supplies of hair products are suddenly disappearing a whole lot quicker than they used to.
In fact, he can’t pass a mirror/window/any shiny object without checking his hair or abs.
Girls are a common topic of conversation (even though he still swears that he won’t have a girlfriend until his is 13).
The time he goes to bed is under constant discussion; with me saying that the time he goes his fine and him arguing that he should go later.
YouTube is the only thing he wants to watch and some of the stuff is mind-numbing.
He doesn’t always want to do things as a family and then makes everyone else miserable when we get him out of the house, just because he can.
There is never any food left in the house.
His trainers are starting to smell like something died in them.
Did I mention that I know nothing and he knows everything. Who needs Google when you have a tween?
He is slowly preparing me for the years of having to pick things up after him.
He knows everything there is to know about sex. Apparently.
You start using those phrases that your parents said to you and you said you would never use.